Page 44 of Sin of the Saints

Chapter Twenty-Five

Hillel

“I’ve received a report from Othello that a special platoon of the Army of Saints is making its way to the Land of the Hebrews,” I tell Naama as she lies naked beside me. I rise and search for my clothes. “Get dressed, we’re going after them.” I throw her dress at her.

“Ugh, do I have to serve as her babysitter in this incarnation too?” she whines, and I fix her with a petrifying glare.

“You can rest on your burning laurels when we’ve completed our mission.”

She rolls her eyes and stands to get dressed. Her movement is so slow and irritating, she must be doing it on purpose.

“What would she even be looking for among the Hebrews?”

“The start of it all,” I reply, and I can’t not wonder myself whether she’ll find the one she seeks. A chill runs through my body at the thought that she might get caught up in His phantasms and be lost to me.

“If she longs to return to the source, that just proves everything I thought of her. She’s full of remorse for everythingshe’s done. That includes me and you. My loyalty has always been to you, don’t get me wrong, but I can no longer ignore her crimes, wiping things away as though they never were. That’s not the meaning of true remorse.” Naama’s words seem to weigh tons, and I’m forced to lean against the wall lest I collapse beneath their burden. She looks at me, and I realize my mouth is hanging open and nothing is coming from it. “You see? Justice is with me.”

“Our world has no place for justice,” I grow angry. “If it existed, God would never have created her as He chose to. He was the one who sought to provoke me.”

“Yet you still want to punish her, while believing that through her you can punish Him.”

“It’s for her own good, she’ll understand her place has only ever been and will always be with me.Hewill understand that as well.”

She laughs and slaps her forehead. “It’s beyond me how you could have lived under His laws and even loved it.”

“It wasn’t love, it was dependency based on blindness and stupidity. I served an idea I didn’t know I didn’t believe in, because I knew nothing else.”

“And her? She knew of your love, she knew all of you, yet she still seeks to return to Him. Will you also return to Him if she asks you to?”

“What are you talking about?” I almost shout, but she’s undaunted.

“You can’t compel love.” She glares me with her chocolate eyes. “Just as I can’t force her to love me. Just as I can’t force Ashmedai to love me.” I lower my gaze because I have no answer for her. “We’re fucked up, Hillel, and you know it. That’s why we fuck. We can’t even see ourselves as family. We can’t be considered a society or even a group.” She approaches me, takes my hand and places it on her still chest. “We have no heart orfeelings, save the rage she left for us to inherit. The only thing binding us together is the blood curse He placed upon her. The truth is that we’re beasts, and you’re our shepherd. But not her. Never her! I refuse to accept her authority!”

I sharply pull my hand away from her and my nostrils flare as her venomous words seep into my veins. I mustn’t let them poison me. When she takes another step towards me I swing my arm, slapping her and finally silencing her.

“I don’t want to hear another word out of you. Do what you have to do and be ready in ten minutes. We have a long way to go. And if we want to beat the winged ones to the punch, I need a private jet. Call your Daddy.” And so I leave the room, leaving her frozen in place.

I refuse to accept anything she’s said. If I give Lilith up, what else do I have to hold onto?

Chapter Twenty-Six

Bellcolor

Ihear a hymn. The voices are high and soft, like a comforting downy blanket on a winter’s day. I turn my eyes upward, wondering if it’s the angels singing from on high, but I know that if they were angels, the water would surely have dulled the song. No, the singing is coming from the water.

I relax my muscles, close my eyes and let my body drown, and for the first time in my life I feel uplifted. The water is clean and cool, and my head is clear. I strip off the heavy black fabric clinging to my body, and feel relief as the water envelops me.Like the day I was created, I think.

I open my eyes and see a beam of light approaching me. I reach a hand out to it and it curls around my arm like a serpent. I shudder at the thought of the primal sin staining my hands.

“Have no fear,” a low voice tells me, and I’m startled.

“Are youHim?” I ask in a trembling voice.

“I am,” He answers. I want to say something, anything, but my mind is blank. I’ve forgotten everything I wanted to say the moment the light appeared before me. Why did I come here?

“Bellcolor,” he addresses me, and I look right into the light. It isn’t blinding, but soft. Warmth spreads through my chest at the sound of His voice saying my name.

“Oh God…” I let slip as his grip on my heart tightens.

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