Page 43 of Sin of the Saints

“This is Lilith,” I make my voice hard as stone. “I demand to speak with Ellis.”

“I-is this some sort of a sick joke?” she gasps over the line.

“If you keep wasting my time, the Pope won’t be pleased, and you’ll be the one who thwarted his only shot at me.”

“Y-yes, of course, I’m sorry,” she stutters, and after a few moments of silence she transfers the call.

“Lilith,” I recognize Ellis’ voice. “Have you considered my offer to join us?”

“Yes,” I answer. “I want you to tell me where I can find Him. I was at the Foundation Stone and He’s not there.”

He bursts into laughter so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “Lilith, silly girl, a place isn’t sacred just because it has some meaningless trinkets.”

I ponder his answer, “Then He’s where His saints are?”

He sighs. “The presence of saints doesn’t make a place holy either. Humans make that same mistake too.”

“Then where is He?” I’m losing my patience.

“He is within all who know Him, and are willing to accept His leadership and grace. The worthy will enjoy the bounty of His gifts.”

“Then why did He give His gifts to me of all people?” It makes no sense. Ellis’ words only reinforce that.

“Mysterious are the ways of the Lord,” he casually says.

“That’s your answer? I refuse to accept it.” That’s not going to cut it.

“His word is the only answer you require. And I pass it on as it was revealed to me. Within me.”

“Whereas all I hear is silence,” I counter.

“And what if you don’t? What if there is a message in the silence? You must learn to listen.”

His answer is still vague, and I can’t pin down the elusive logic. “I just heard someone say God is love. Do you believe that?”

“Faith is strong, Lilith. They who do not believe will walk the world as blind men. They who do not love will find no anchor in chaos. Forever are they condemned to life without purpose.”

“But you don’treallylove,” I insist, “You’ve accepted celibacy, though some believe in ‘multiply and be fruitful’, as I believe they call it.”

“God created humanity, and the angels for that matter, and set them apart. Thus, His truth cannot be the same for all. My word cannot be your word. Does a man who visits church every day love God more than one who has never set foot in a church?”

“A different word for everyone…” I repeat his words as they sink into my thoughts. “A different word gives birth to a new religion, a new faith.”

“True.”

An involuntary laugh slips out of my mouth. “It creates division as well. War. Destruction.”

I hear Ellis sigh for a long moment before he says: “That is human nature.”

“No,” I grow angry. “It’sHisnature!”

“And yours,” he whispers.

And mine. I look at the lake, a whisper echoing in my mind. The wind picks up, creating long ripples that move towards me. It whistles to me as if inviting me into the water, and I can’t help responding. Step by step I walk into the cold water, sighing slightly. “I think I hear Him.”

“Where are you, Lilith?” he whispers, closer to the mic.

“In the one place that could extinguish the fires of rage,” I say, and dive into the water. The cellphone immediately switches off as I let go of it, letting it drown as I give myself over to drowning as well.

---