Page 26 of Sin of the Saints

Hillel finally comes to his senses, and the terror is replaced with sincere awe. She really was created for him. “Hehas fed us lies, now show His humans the truth.”

Belle asks me something, and I have to blink to dispel the strange fog that had come over me.

“I’m sorry?” I manage to raise my head, but my eyes are shut tight.

“What’s with you? Did you hear a word I said?” There’s concern in her voice, and I feel her hand touch my cheek. “Look at me,” she demands, and I shake my head. There’s no point either way, I can’t see anything. The thing living within me is winning. I feel myself grasping onto the last thread connecting me to reality. “Bar,” she pleads. Her voice sends something trembling within me, and a swarm of butterflies go wild in my guts as she caresses my skin. I plummet downward, feeling a sobering loss.

I can’t not respond to her. I open my eyes and watch in awe as her crimson aura goes wild around her. She’s burning. Igniting before my eyes as my hand resting on her thigh goes tight.

“You’re not the only one who’s cursed. The world is so dark, but I see you. I see only you.”

I’m about to commit an unforgivable crime, to betray all my beliefs, my essence, my calling. But I’m ready for it. I’m ready to sacrifice myself, all of me, to have her.

And then I let go, and feel the tearing of that last thread I’m holding onto. I know what I must do: I must sell my soul to the Devil.

Chapter Fifteen

Bellcolor

So many incarnations, full of ceaseless war. A war that broke out solely due to the one who dwells within me. Lilith’s rage consumed her and ignited her blood, just as it set everything she touched aflame. And yet her existence has driven me to fight for my own. She knows that. It’s the reason she chose me.

“You’re not the only one who’s cursed. The world is so dark, but I see you. I see only you,” Bar says, and I tremble.

My father said Bartimaeus keeps returning to the lands of Adam for Lilith. He said it was his calling, to banish her. But I can’t shake the feeling that he’s under her influence.

“Who do you see when you look at me?” I have to know.

“You, Belle, just you,” he answers, softly caressing my face.

“And Lilith?” My voice betrays me as my windpipe closes.

He shuts his eyes and takes a long breath. “She’s part of you, I understand that.”

“Do you? Do you really understand what that means?” I harden my voice. “Me staying in the realm of Man means Lilithstays too. It’s not just a betrayal of your calling, it’s turning your back on all your beliefs, and directly violating an order from the one you answer to!”

“You think I don’t know that?” He runs a hand through his hair.

“It’s just… we had a different plan.”

“Plans change, Belle. I’ve changed.” His shoulders drop and his face falls at the weight of his confession.

I place my hand on his thigh and he raises his gaze to me. “So have I.”

Bar looks at me with his beautiful gleaming eyes. One green, the other blue. My gaze shifts between them, like they’re the eyes of two separate entities.

“You remain the same. Lilith hasn’t changed you, she brought you to life. But me? I’m unworthy of you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Pope made me believe God was punishing me, that I was taking part in his grand plan. And since then I’ve been struggling with whether I’m worthy of it. But now I understand that it was Libretto who cursed me and took my sight.” He drops that bomb and I gasp. I reexamine his eyes, and they suddenly seem so tormented to me. My heart twinges. All this time, I hadn’t even noticed.

Guilt gnaws at me. Libretto cursed him, because of Lilith. “It’s my fault—”

“No,” he interrupts me. “It’s the curse of the one whose name I bear. The Pope said the curse comes with every incarnation.”

“Who was he?”

“Bartimaeus, who paid for his sins with his sight. It only returned to him after he accepted redemption at the hands of the man of God, Jesus of Nazareth.”

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