Page 62 of Sin of the Saints

“Fantasizing about your angel again?” I hide my flushed face before she notices my shame. She laughs and throws her pillow at me. “You’re a minx, I love it. It took time for me to pop that wound-up cork you used to be.”

“It’s embarrassing,” I mumble between my fingers as I peek at her.

“Come on, of all your bullshit, you’d think his cock was God’s fit.” She bursts into laughter and I throw the pillow back at her.

“You’re not supposed to be reading what I’m writing! Damn it, that’s private!”

“You let the angel read them, what difference does it make?” I freeze as I realize that not only should she not be reading them, she mustn’t in any way discover what she looks like to my eyes. God knows how she’ll react. Fortunately, her amused reaction tells me she’s only read parts that aren’t about her.

“It just does,” I answer briefly, hoping she’ll put the story be.

“You can dodge the subject, sweetie, but I’ll tell you this much: if you’d let Dr. Abanoreallyfuck you, you might get some joie-de-vivre in you. Some things only they can give us.”

“Like what?”

“Closeness, human warmth…” she chuckles. “I assume Daddy Dearest fucked me up good to have me develop my affinity for perverts his age…” She opens her mouth and makes a vomiting sound.

“You don’t have to do it, Valentina. You have my closeness.” I approach her, bumping my shoulder lightly against hers.

“I’m no victim, don’t turn me into one. I choose to do it because I get a lot more than I lose. I see how you look after that church brainwashing. I say no thanks.”

I can understand her, we’re all locked up here and she found her freedom between the bars. There’s no doubt she can take credit for that, even if I don’t agree with her way. I can’t help wondering whether I’ll manage to find my freedom too.

I take advantage of her moment of confession to share the news about recent events. “The administrator said he set up treatment for me…”

“What treatment?”

“Efficienttreatment,” I emphasize the word. “He seems determined to carry it out.”

Valentina’s back straightens and she hugs the pillow. “What the fuck does that mean?”

I shrug, and she looks down.

“Hey, maybe it’s not so bad after all. He sounds convinced it’ll work,” I cautiously say.

“You’re dumber than I thought,” she contorts her expression. “Look at the lifeless zombies sitting in the club all day. They’re not aware of anything happening around them, and they’re not qualified to return to their lives outside the hospital either. I think they got a taste of what the administrator’s planning for you. Even death is better than that.”

“But I couldn’t die, could I? That’s why I found myself here in the first place.”

“Then I’ll help you with that. I’ll suffocate you now with this pillow and you can kiss the world goodbye with a middle finger raised at everyone.” She holds the pillow out towards me, and I have no doubt she can do it. For some reason, that doesn’t scare me.

“Then it’s not suicide, Valentina, it’s murder. You’ll suffer the punishment and I can’t let that happen.” And how can I even explain to her what guilt would do to her?

“Then you’re fucked, sis.”

“That’s an excellent summary.”

She leans back next to me. “We’ll get them back,” she whispers close to my ear. “We’ll get revenge on our fucking fathers.”

I empty my lungs and look back at her. “Maybe it’s not even their fault. Maybe we were just born cursed. Just like our mothers.”

“You might be right, but if I’m destined to be cursed… I intend to take full advantage of that.”

“Aren’t you worried that God will punish you?” That always intrigued me. Valentina comes from an observant family too.

She laughs in response. “Let Him do what He wants, I’ve lived under His law for most of my life and I’m sick of it. The sin’s much more thrilling than the dull life He and His followers have to offer.”

“I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

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