Page 60 of Sin of the Saints

“Not when we make it come true,” he says, and his lips crash against mine. I only hesitate for a moment and then grip his shirt, allowing myself to sink into his intoxicating taste. He moves his hot tongue in my mouth and I join the dance that sweeps me into the passion he ignites in me.

Despite everything created by my imagination, I’m no virgin. My virginity was stolen from me, and I can never get it back, no matter what reality I give birth to. No matter how many times I process my nightmare, no matter how many times Dr. Abano and I talk about it in our sessions.

And if he wants me to acknowledge my truth, the truth is I’m filthy. From the day this devil’s filth contaminated me, I haven’t been able to shake it, and nothing in the world has managed to purify my lost soul.

Dr. Abano grips my hips tightly, bringing me to his stiff erection, and I grunt in anticipation. I need the escape he’s offering me. I’m willing to give in to the call, and my body submits to him. I open the buttons on his shirt and slide it off, ditching the white tank top he wears beneath it as well. His hands pull down my sweatpants, along with the white cottonpanties. I shake off my shoes and he removes my socks one by one. I look at him from above and feel my cheeks burning.

“Bar…” I say as he raises his gorgeous eyes to me.

He’s not human, he can’t be. But I know he can’t be an angel either.

Who are you, really, Bartimaeus?

He kisses the soles of my feet and runs his lips up my legs. My heart is pounding in my chest and I’m forced to lean back as my head spins.

“Just let go, Belle,” he whispers, placing a steady hand on my chest and forcing me to lie on my back on his desk. I close my eyes as he buries his face between my legs. He runs his tongue over my wetness and I clutch his hair, bringing him closer so as to deepen the intense pleasure he’s giving me.

“I… I…” Oh dear God, it’s too much. Dr. Abano roughly sucks on my clit, inserting two fingers into me and arching them until I’m sure I’m about to plummet to depths I’ll never be able to escape. When I’m near release, he clamps his teeth on my clit and growls: “I want you to come on my face.” His filthy words push me to the edge and I let out the cry I’ve fought to hold in, making fists on the documents placed around me. “Oh God!” I exhale and finally manage to open my blurry eyes.

Dr. Abano unbuckles his pants and lets them fall. He grips his cock and places it at my opening, leans in and fixes his gaze on mine. In one motion he penetrates me and I want to scream again, but he puts a hand on my mouth. He thrusts into me with sharp, rough, merciless movements. His nostrils flare and his lips are tense as he concentrates on his most intense fuck so far. Because that’s what it is, he’s fucking my soul out.

It’s equally delirious and painful, and I embrace both sensations, it’s the dissonance that rules my life. Because when Dr. Abano is inside me and his scent envelopes me in every direction, the demon in me pricks me with his jealousy, but thesatisfaction I’m receiving overcomes any punishment he’ll give me later.

As far as I’m concerned, consequences be damned.

As his nails dig into my skin, I know he’s close. I reach between my legs and massage my clit, so I can come again before he’s done. I have to come again because I can only fall asleep when I’m completely exhausted. It’s better than the sleeping pill and its blurriness.

Dr. Abano increases the pace of his thrusts and I bite his hand to keep from screaming as I come again, so hard I can feel the pain pulsing in my already-exhausted muscles.

“Fuck…” he hisses, pulling out of me, getting dressed and sorting himself out. “Hang on, don’t move, I’ll clean you up.”

I remain lying on the table, eyes closed, trying to sort out my breathing. I don’t move as he cleans me with the tissues on his desk. Not exactly what the box he always keeps carefully full is meant for. He dresses me and puts my shoes on.

When he pulls me into a sitting position, I finally manage to open my eyes. His expression seems haunted and he seems to want to say something, but he stops himself.

“What’s wrong? Was I not good?”

“No, Belle, you were wonderful,” he answers, pressing his forehead against mine.

“Is it because of what I wrote?”

“Yes.” My heart starts galloping at the thought that my imagination might have gone too far. Before I can get my thoughts in order and answer him, he says: “I need to get you out of here.”

I shove him away from me at once. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t talk about it, but your end is nigh.”

I get off the table and smooth out the shirt on my body. “You’ll do no such thing, I’m not leaving.”

He grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at him. “You are, Belle. You’ll leave this place. Something very bad is going to happen, and this time you might not come back to me.”

I knock his hands away. “Maybe, or maybe it’s actually time for me to meet my end. That’s what I’ve been praying for, and I certainly deserve it. It’s time for me to get the answers to all those questions you encouraged me to ask.”

“You’re still looking for answers in places you’ll never find them!”

“Then tell me what else I can do! You suggest I run, but where can I run to? My demons will never leave me be! There’s nowhere in the world I can hide from them, because they’re inside me! So tell me, what am I supposed to do?”

“You have me, Belle. I’ll take care of you.” He tries to approach me but I withdraw towards the door.

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