Page 56 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

The ugly truth has been hovering over us since the first day I got a taste of her lips.She shouldn’t be part of this life. I’ve been stupid and reckless with her love for purely selfish reasons. I let her convince me that this is what she wants, when in reality it’s not this life that she wants.

It’s me.

Well, I thought it was.

If letting her go means sending her back to a life she can live without danger or darkness, then I’ll break my own heart and my promise to her, and let her go.

Conor’s hand comes down hard on my shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “Come on, mate. Let’s get you some rest. I’ll take the night shift. Killian should be arriving with Selena and Kieran in the morning. The rest of our men will be here no later than tomorrow evening.”

I slap Con’s back and squeeze the back of his neck. “Thanks, Con.”

Stepping out of the shower,I dry off and don a pair of gray sweats. As relaxing as the hot shower was for my muscles, I still feel tense inside. This void in my chest is growing bigger with every passing second that Madison is not next to me. Guilt gnaws on my insides with the way I left her. When she was calling out for me. Twice now I’ve done that.God, I’m such a dick.

Taking a seat at the edge of the bed, I rest my elbows on my thighs and lean over into my hands, releasing a massive sigh.Fuck, baby. I miss the hell out of you. What have I done?

My phone vibrates on the end table where it’s charging. I unplug it and squint down at the message. The glow of the screen, too bright in this darkened room.

Madison

Liam, please. Please can we talk? You didn’t give me a chance to explain to you how I feel. My head is all over the place after what I went through. I’m an emotional disaster. And to top it all off… I got my period today and it’s fucking awful as usual. This can’t be the end for us. You and I both know that.

Her words ring true. It will never be the end for us—I’ll love her til my final breath on this Earth. And even then, I’ll love her for many lifetimes after. I’m realizing now that love is about being selfless. For far too long I’ve been a selfish bastard with her love.

My fingers hover over the keys as I take a second to really process what I am about to do next.

Liam

I love you more than life itself, Madison. It’s because you went through hell and back that I have realized the biggest mistake I made in loving you. I’ve been so fucking selfish with you. I said it in the beginning—I’m not good for you, Madison. You don’t deserve to have your life at risk by loving me in return. You deserve to have a life where you won’t need to look over your shoulder every two seconds. You deserve to have the family you want one day. And a man who comes home from work and brings you flowers. Not enemies lurking in shadows. I can never be that man for you, baby. You are an incredible woman. Please listen to me this time. It’s because I love you that I need to let you go. Killian will be the one to come and get you when this is all over. Until then, I’ll stick to the shadows where I belong. Always watching and protecting you from a distance, just like I used to when we first met at the bar. Know that you are and always will be protected, baby. I won’t let anything happen to you. Trust that. Please take my words into consideration. Move on from all of this, Maddy. Go back to New York, to your future job and your family, and never look back at any of this. I love you, princess. Always have and always will. My soul is yours. That won’t ever change.

As my thumb lingers over the send button, my chest tightens and my air supply cuts off. This hurts far worse than any stab wound, being shot, or God bless my mum,even her death.

Fuck.Do it, Liam. She deserves so much more than this life with you.

I hit send and gasp for air, trying to convince myself I’m too young to be having a heart attack. The pounding of my heart against my ribcage won’t let up as the bubbles pop up in our chat. Part of me is tempted to text Conor just in case I do go down. I need to be alive to make sure Madison gets away from all this shit. Then fuck it all after that. I’ll be out of her life for good. She’ll be better off without me.

Madison

You promised me. You promised me you wouldn’t leave me again ??

Liam

I know. Use that reason to hate me. It’ll make it easier for you. Goodnight, love.

Any remaining pieces of my heart left tethered together have officially snapped, leaving behind a sickening hollowness.

I drag my feet across the wood floors in search of the door. By some miracle, my legs carry me to the pool, but not before I snatched a full bottle of whiskey off the bar. Twisting the cap off and tossing it into the pool, I bring the bottle to my lips and chug a quarter of it in one go.Damn, that fucking burns. ‘Suppose it’s better to feel fire in my chest than the emptiness that’s there.

My arse finds a lounge chair. I lean back on the cushion and look up at the stars, questioning their motives and role in my star-crossed love life. Reminds me of the days Madison would stare up at them. It has me wondering if she ever felt the same way about her life.

Warmth caresses my face.I awaken to a familiar brunette leaning over me. Rubbing the blur from my eyes, I wet my dry lips. My tongue is stuck to the top of my mouth and my head pounds like a son of a bitch as I try to sit up. I wrap my fingers around the woman’s face and rub my thumb over her pink-tinted cheek.

“Madison,” I whisper, pain altering my voice.

The woman clasps my hand and gently places a glass of ice water into it. “It’s Lainey, Liam.”

Swiping my free hand down my face, I try to shake off the confusion. The world spins and my head pounds with a fucking hangover from hell.Perhaps I’m still drunk.

Lainey’s face comes into focus. She’s sitting on the edge of the lounge chair. “What’re you doing here, love?” I slur.

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