Page 94 of Crossing the Top Line

I flinch back, and his face crumples. But I nod, knowing he’s right. Spencer and I could go around in circles until the inevitable heat death of the sun, and we’d never get any closer to resolution. Eli clears his throat and sits forward, turning a little toward me.

“Did we hurt you? Cross a boundary?” he asks, silver-blue eyes flashing with deep concern.

And again, I’m at a loss for words. They should be pissed, but here they are asking iftheymessed up.

“No, but…” I trail off, trying to get my racing thoughts in order.

“I know we didn’t have time to discuss limits, but I should have at least tried before we did anything. And I’m sorry if we didn’t try to do more aftercare when it was over,” Oliver adds, turning to face me more as well.

I look between them, heart cracking and tears escaping down my cheeks. All three alphas start to rise from their seats, but I hold out my hands, waving them to keep them away from me. I don’t deserve their comfort, or their apologies.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this, but you don’t owe me anything. I should have—I shouldn’t have—fuck, I shouldn’t have even left my house. And when I knew it was bad, I should have—”

“Should have what? Left? Walked down St. Charles Ave. in the middle of a hurricane?” Spencer interjects flatly.

I let out a frustrated exhale through my teeth and tears, wiping my cheeks furiously. “I don’t know. But I shouldn’t have come out of that room. I made my shit your problem, and that’s not fair. And the stuff I said…”

As I trail off, my head hangs in shame. I don’t know who that person was on the couch, and I don’t know how any of them can look at me with anything other than disgust.

“What you said? Tori, you weren’t exactly dropping slurs or anything,” Eli says with a light chuckle.

I look up at him. “But I’m not…I don’t normally act like…that,” I say, flushing hot as I try to find the words.

Oliver quirks an eyebrow at me. “Like what? A dirty-talking submissive who apparently has the thing for exhibition and creampies?” he says, no hesitation whatsoever.

I can’t hold back a moan of shame, hiding my face behind my hands. And to my horror, Eli lets out another laugh.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding us? Because you learned some stuff about your kinks? Tori, that’s—”

“No! It’s just…” I nearly shout my interruption before trailing off, biting my lip.

Is part of my guilt and shame from what we did? Yes. I’ve never had sex like that before, and even if I’m familiar with kink as a concept, I’ve always considered myself fairly vanilla. But it’s more than the sex. It was all the moments in between, when Oli and Eli were caring for me, petting my hair, rubbing my feet, taking care of me. I shouldn’t have allowed it. Not only because it could give them the wrong idea about whatever might be between us. But now that I’ve experienced it, I realize how much I enjoyed it. Touch starved, some might call it, made all the worse by how much my medications suppress my omega instincts.

“Do you regret what happened?” Spencer asks, sudden and blunt.

I blink at him, eyes going wide, the truth jumping out before I can stop it. “No, but—”

“Did anything happen that you didn’t want?”

“No, but—”

Spencer looks at Eli and Oli in turns. “Did either of you do anything you weren’t comfortable with?”

Both of them shake their heads, and Spencer looks back to me. “I consented to what happened by sitting in that chair. I’ve had time to do some soul searching and come to terms with what I learned, but I’ve got the tools to do that on my own. But if you want to talk about it with a professional before anything else happens—”

“No! I’m not worried about the kinks! I’m worried about the feelings!”

The words come out in another shout before I can stop them, and all three men go silent. I shrink back, pressing my forehead to my kneecap as I grit my teeth. Fuck, now I’ve done it.

“Do…do you have feelings for us?” Eli asks gently.

When his hand smooths onto my arm, I whimper. After gorging myself on their affection during the storm, going these last four days without any hasn’t been easy. My mind knows that I shouldn’t, but I let myself have this little taste. Just one more hit, and then I’m done.

“You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with,” Spencer says, a little bit of a warning in his voice, but it’s not directed at me.

I shake my head, taking a deep breath. Their scents swirl around me, slowing my racing heart with the comfort of their proximity. I’ve got it bad. But I need time, time to figure out what I’m going to do, or to figure out how I’m going to get rid of these pesky feelings.

“I’m not…I don’t usually do this sort of thing. And I’m not trying to come between anything. I can do casually exclusive, but I don’t know…I don’t know if I can do anything more than that,” I say, the words coming out in fits and spurts.

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