Page 66 of The Pretty Psycho

Narrowing my eyes, I located the target, and I threw. The knife flew through the air while my eyes tracked it. It was like in slow motion, Adrian's eyes on mine, his body unmoving and my heart in my throat, waiting for the knife to hit the target.

The tip lodged itself right next to his head, and I didn't miss the wince on his face the moment it found its mark.

Crimson blood dripped down his ear moments later, showing me that I hit exactly what I wanted to.

"You missed," he grunted, dropping his arms.

"I never miss, Adrian. I threw it right where I wanted it." Danger flashed in his eyes, making me back up slowly, but it was too late. He stalked from the target all the way to me, pushing me against the wall and taking one of the knives from the table. My reflexes kicked in then and as he pressed against me, pushing the blade of the knife against my throat, I did the same. My hand landed on top of the table that was still within reach and pulled a knife to his throat, looking him straight in the eye.

We stood there, with knives at each other's throats, both breathing heavier than before.

"What now?" I asked, my voice breathless, hating the way I sounded. I hated that even angry, he could make me feel almost too small, too powerless. He made me feel things I always dreamed of but was also terrified of. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Killing you would be easier on my sanity, that's for sure," he spat out, clearly as angry at me as I was at him. Maybe even more. "But no, baby. What I'm going to do now is explain how things are going to work between us, and you'll listen even if it's the last thing you do."

I didn't like that plan. As a matter of fact, I hated it. I didn't want to stand here and listen to him, because I knew I would crumble and let him back in. I was defenseless against him, and no matter how many times I told myself that it was better if we stayed away from each other, he always found a way to push through all those walls I've tried creating.

"You don't run from me," he murmured, his voice holding a note of danger I hadn’t heard before. "Because God help me, Vega, the next time you decide that you want to run, I'll chaseyou and I'll fucking spank you so hard you won't be able to sit for a week." Fuck. I didn't like that wetness pooled between my legs the moment those words slipped through his lips. "If we have a problem, we talk about it. If a woman from my past decides to jump on me while I'm trying to push her off!" he roared, his eyes wild. "Then you fucking stay and let me explain."

"You weren't trying to push her away," I mumbled, hating how small he was making me feel. He made me see how stupid all of it was, but I couldn't help my thoughts. I couldn't silence the demons in my head, whispering all these things in my ear. "You were kissing her."

"God-fucking-dammit, woman!" He closed his eyes, dropping the knife on the floor, while mine stayed firmly in its spot, right against his throat. "I'm crazy about you. I live and breathe for you. Why can't you see it?" His anger was easier to handle than the pain I could see right now. "You just don't get it, do you? You don't get that I would do anything for you. I would burn everything, fuck, I would even abandon this whole mission if you just asked me to."

But that was the problem. He would do it now because I was a new shiny toy, but what about later? What if he didn't like me anymore? What if he decided that dealing with me was too much?

"You know what?" He chuckled sadly, sending bouts of panic through my veins. "I have literally tried everything to make you see, to make you feel what I feel, to apologize for what I did and for all those secrets I've kept. But you." He shook his head. "You're not even trying." His words pierced straight through my heart, because deep down, I knew he was right.

I kept placing the blame on him, finding excuse after excuse to run from him, to hide myself, to avoid having to face the truth, while he did everything.

"And you know what that tells me?" he murmured, pressing against the blade, pulling my attention to where his blood started dripping slowly, making me panic. "That tells me that you don't care, Vega. You don't fucking care, and as much as I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, especially considering that you went through hell, I cannot. Not anymore. I can't fight for someone that wants to give up every step of the way. I'm tired. I'm tired of begging people to stay in my life. I'm tired of begging you to feel something for me, to show me. I deserve more than your scraps of love."

My breathing hitched, seeing the resolution in his eyes clear as day.

He was done.

God.

No.

"Adrian—"

"Save it," he said, taking a step back, looking at me with nothing but sorrow. "You wanted to be free of me? Here." He laughed. "Be fucking free. Do whatever the fuck you want, Vega. I'm done." He turned around and started walking toward the door, leaving me there with a heart that was no longer mine.

He was… No. He couldn't be. He wouldn't. No.

I threw the knife on the floor just as the door slammed behind him and wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling colder than ever.

He couldn't be done. No, no, no. We were just… We were just starting.

I slid down the wall as my mind finally grasped what happened. What I just did.

He was done.

And I understood. I fucking understood and I hated myself just a little bit more, because he was right. I didn't deserve his love and he deserved more than me. He deserved someone whowasn't as fucked up and someone who could freely tell him how they felt. Not this girl that had no idea what she even wanted from life.

But I loved him. I knew I loved him more than I had ever loved anything, and I knew I could never tell him. Because no matter what, The Schatten still held that piece of me in its claws, reminding the brainwashed part of me that no one could ever be trusted. Not even the man I loved.

21

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