Page 52 of The Pretty Psycho

“Vega,” he grumbled, a warning evident in his voice. “Don’t fucking tempt me.”

“Or what?” I asked. “You’re going to throw me over your shoulder and take me to your cabin? Or are you going to lock me like Rapunzel, treating me like one of those vapid girls that always flocked to you.”

Anger was back.

Anger was good.

It was fucking amazing.

The more he tried pulling me to him, the more I pushed back, and I needed this.

But before I could see what he was doing, before I could move away, his hand wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me closer until his lips descended on my forehead, pressing with a featherlight touch. "I'm sure you didn't miss me, but I just wanted to let you know," he opened his eyes and looked at me, “I missed you, and I deserved that punch. Hell, I probably deserve more than that.” Fuck, I did miss him. I missed his touch the moment I decided to leave with Yolanda, but telling him that would be giving him more power than I was ready to share, and he didn't need me to feed his ego any more. It was already big enough even without me adding anything to it. "Are you hurting?"

As if summoned by his words, my hand started throbbing, my knuckles sending rivulets of pain through my nerve endings.

Just in my heart, I wanted to say, but I didn't. I kept my fucking mouth shut as I looked up at him, confused beyond measure by this kindness he was portraying. The way he sounded on the other side of that door was the complete opposite of what was transpiring in front of me.

"Vega?"

"My hand hurts," I mumbled, letting my mouth run as I tried to wrap my mind around all of this. "What are you doing here, Adrian? I thought we had agreed you'd give me space."

"Nah, baby girl." He chuckled. "We didn't agree on anything. You talked, you pushed me away, and you tried to decide for both of us. But we didn't agree on anything."

"Well," I pushed at his chest, wrapping my arms around myself, "I don't want you here."

"And I don't wantyouhere," he bit out, his eyes turning wild. "But we don't always get what we want, do we?" What was I supposed to say to that? What was I supposed to answer?

That what I always wanted was a pair of arms that would feel like home and he felt exactly like that? That I always dreamed of a place I could call my own and a person that would look at me as if I were the brightest star in the sky, and he was giving me exactly that? Or maybe I should've told him he scared me, terrified me, and that I didn't know what to do with this tangled ball of emotions in my chest?

"I don't know what you want me to say, Adrian." The tic in his cheek became prominent, telling me he didn't exactly like what I was saying. Had he been truly listening to me, he would've known his presence here wouldn't be welcome.

He would've known I didn't want to see him until I figured out how to deal with this mess in my head.

Movement on my left pulled my attention to Yolanda who was now slowly sneaking out of the room.

"Yo, don't go," I said as Adrian added at the same time, "You should definitely go, Yolanda." My eyes narrowed at him, hating he was so in control of this situation while I felt like I was falling apart.

"I think, uh," she pointed toward the door, "I think I'll just leave you to it and see what's happening out there. You know, give you time to talk." But I didn't want to talk to him. There wasnothing I needed to tell him right now, and I had no idea how to make him see that for himself.

Yolanda practically ran from the room, leaving me all alone with him.

His eyes drank me in, observing me from head to toe, before a heartbreaking smile crawled onto his face, rendering me speechless.

"You have me wrapped around your finger and you don't even know it, do you?" he said, placing his hands on his hips. "From the first moment I saw you," he approached slowly, "all I could think about was you. Your eyes, your smiles, your touch, your taste, the way you would feel in my arms and the way you protected Yolanda even though you barely knew her." My breath caught in my throat the closer he came, making us practically touch as we stood there. "You bewitched me, Vega, and I was an idiot for trying to fight it. I was an idiot for trying to run away from all these things you were making me feel. You. Made. Me. Feel," he enunciated. "I fucked up with you in more ways than I can even count, but I know that. I'm aware of all my shortcomings and all the things I did. I made a mess of it all and for that I'm sorry, but you don't get to let me hold you and tell me all these wonderful details about you and those not so wonderful, only to snatch it all away. You don't get to make me fall for you, only to steal back the light you brought into my life after a lifetime of darkness. I want my light, Bambi. I want my sun back." Fucking fuck. "I want you to look at me and see what we could be, instead of seeing all the obstacles we could face. I want you to take a leap of faith with me."

"Adrian." I trembled. "Please, don't."

His head dropped, his shoulders hunching. "What do I need to do to make you see me, huh?" He looked at me with a ferocity I had never seen in him. "What do I need to do to show you that I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not here to change you orto suffocate you, as you so eloquently put. I'm here to help you soar, to help you fly, Bambi. Why won't you let me do that?"

Because I didn't know how, goddamn him. I didn't know how to let him because no one had ever taught me. No one had ever taught me about love and all these other gooey little feelings he was awakening in me. They taught me how to kill, how to hide, how to live in the shadows, but they never told me how to be someone's sun. And what if he got bored of me? What if he realized that having someone like me was too much of a hassle?

My heart was still somewhat intact, but he could steal it in the blink of an eye, and if he did, I knew I would never get it back. He already owned half of it. What reassurance did I have that he wouldn't try to fuck me over like so many other people in my life?

"I don't know how!" I thundered, slamming my fists against his chest. "I don't know how to do any of those things. I don't know how to look at you and not see all the reasons why this would be a bad idea. I don't know how to be your sun because all I have ever been was shadows and darkness and all the bad things lurking in the dark corners of our world. I'm no one's sun. I am no one's light, Adrian!" My throat turned raw from the emotions choking me, making it harder and harder to speak. "I don't know how to let you hold me because no one ever did. I patched my own cuts. I tended to my own bruises. I brushed my own hair and I taught myself how to be alone. I taught myself how to block out all the parts that made me human, because it hurt too much seeing all the happy people living their ordinary lives when I knew that mine was anything but."

A second ticked, then two, while the sound of our heavy breathing filled the air around us. His arms wrapped around me, lifting me up and then sitting down with me in his arms. He buried his head into the crook of my neck, letting me spit it all out.

He hummed softly, letting me shatter in the safety of his arms, and I hated myself just a little bit more for being unable to dive into this with him. It didn't matter that I felt safe right here and right now. My heart wanted one thing, but my mind kept screaming at me to get away from him. To hide these weaknesses from his watchful eyes.

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