Page 33 of The Pretty Psycho

"I know, baby."

"He didn't destroy me," I said as the first tear fell. "He didn't." Adrian stood there, keeping me upright, holding me,loving me with his eyes even when he couldn't say the words. I wasn't sure I was even ready for his words, not right now. Maybe not ever, but especially not now.

"I know," he said again and again and again as I went on and on, rambling, convincing both of us that I wasn't broken. I wasn't fucking broken!

"I'm not a victim!" I bawled, fisting my hands against his shirt, feeling my entire body tremble. My eyes closed, unable to take the look on his face.

He… He didn't look at me with pity. He didn't look at me as if I was broken. He looked at me as he always did.

"Bambi," he murmured, lifting my chin up. "Look at me."

"I can't."

"Please, baby girl," he begged. He. Fucking. Begged. And I couldn't say no. My eyes opened, seeing the turmoil, the fucking storm in his, but the pity I kept expecting to see wasn't there. "You're my girl, Vega," he said. "My. Fucking. Girl." My heart broke at those three little words. "You're not broken. You were never broken, and that bastard—" He stopped suddenly, his lips set into a thin line. "That bastard took something he had no right to take. But he didn't break you. He didn't destroy who you truly are. And you." He smiled suddenly. "You are a warrior."

"Am I?" I asked. "Because I don't feel like a warrior," I murmured. "I feel like the shattered version of who I used to be. I feel… I feel used. I feel betrayed. I feel like every person I love is just set on my path to destroy all the pieces of me. I don't feel strong, Adrian. I feel powerless."

His hands landed on my cheeks, holding me in place, looking down at me as if the sun rose and set with me. "Then I'll be your strength. I'll be the power you need. I'll be anything you need me to be, Bambi. I'll be your savior, your damnation, the hand to hold and the weapon to wield. I'll be anything, baby, but just let me be here for you. Let me in."

"I can't," I whimpered. "I… You broke me. When I saw it… You broke me, Adrian."

His eyes shuttered, the pain I knew all too well on full display right now. I had no idea what happened over the past couple of days, but the Adrian standing in front of me was not the same man I left behind when I ran out of this very cabin. This one was open, letting me see all the scars, all the darkness, all the broken pieces inside of him.

"I fucked up," he mumbled, pressing his lips to my forehead. "I fucked up so badly, and I would spend the rest of my life trying to fix that mistake. But you weren't my target, Vega. What we had," he took a step back, his hands on the sides of my neck, "that was real. That was me. I will be your greatest downfall," he said, making me frown. "The hardest burden to bear, because the darkness you fell for needs you more than you need it. I need you more than you could ever imagine, and I am never letting you go." He closed his eyes, avoiding my gaze. "Please don't make me let you go."

"Adrian," I murmured, placing my hand on his stubbled cheek.

"I am not a religious man, Bambi." He looked at me before he turned to nuzzle my hand. "But for you I pray. I pray to the God I never believed in, hoping he would hear me. I am not a good man, but I'm hoping that somewhere along the way I did something to enable me to deserve you, because we both know you deserve better than me."

"No, Adrian," I moved closer. "Stop that."

"No," he shook his head. "This is the reality, but just because it is, it doesn't mean I'll ever let go. I'll be your shadow, baby girl. I'll be the one that's always there, whether you want me to be or not." His lips landed on my forehead again, then at my right cheek and the left, my nose, and slowly to my lips, giving me just a peck, a prelude of what he held inside. "But first," he looked atthe shower behind my back with a serious expression on his face, "we need to wash you and wrap you in the blanket. I don't want you collapsing on me."

I started turning around, ready to get into the shower myself, when he picked me up bridal style and brought me inside the stall, standing behind me.

"W-What?—"

"I can't risk you falling," he said just as he opened the tap, testing the water. "Is this okay?" he asked, completely ignoring the bewildered look on my face.

He was gentle, almost too gentle, and I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle this kindness, not right now.

I was already at the breaking point, shattering underneath the pressure of everything that had happened and everything that was about to come, and I never expected him to be the rock I could lean on. The saddest thing of all was that I didn't know how, because the people in my life were so rarely reliable enough for me to lean on them.

Could I trust him?

Could I trust that he would be here even after he finds out all the darkest, sickest parts of me?

Life taught me that those we loved so very rarely stayed when things got hard, and as I stood here in the shower with the man I wished I could hate, I looked up, searching his eyes for anything that could tell me he wasn't being honest. But the only thing I found in them was the admiration I saw earlier.

"Bambi?" He chuckled, looking at me expectantly.

I was definitely staring, but I couldn't stop myself. "Uh," I shook my head. "What?"

"Is the water okay?" he asked again, bringing my attention to the showerhead he was holding away from my body.

"Uh," I stammered, extending my hands toward the stream of water, testing it as he did seconds ago. I didn't have a chanceto have a proper shower in the hospital. Hell, I didn't have a chance to even recover properly while there. But just standing here, with him, was doing wonders to my soul, and I had no idea how much I’d missed out on having someone to take care of me like this.

I was used to doing everything on my own, and it surprised me how easy it was handing off the reins to him just for this one moment.

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