Page 14 of The Pretty Psycho

My eyes filled with the unshed tears I was keeping at bay for those moments when I was alone.

I didn't want to cry, not in front of her. She already saw all the fucked-up pieces of me when I fell apart after I came back from Adrian's place. I didn't want her to see me like this.

All these emotions were a weakness I couldn't afford. I had to suppress them. Erase them. Remove them from my existence, but as Yolanda started humming “You Are My Sunshine”, tightening her arms around me, I broke.

A wail erupted from my throat, tearing through my very soul, latching on to these sterile, white walls in the room that felt more like a prison than a salvation. My eyes closed as Yolanda spread her fingers over the back of my head, pulling my head onto her chest, holding me when I couldn't hold myself.

I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to evaporate into thin air just like the sobs breaking my heart, piece by piece. My entire body shook, but she didn't budge. She held me as if her life depended on it and not mine.

I had no idea how starved I was for human touch until I came to the Academy. Until I met her and I let Adrian shatter all those walls around my heart.

My God, I fucking hated him, but I hated needing him more than I hated the things he hid from me. I needed his strength to pull me out of this hellhole, even if I would never admit it out loud. Because one thing was certain—I couldn't trust him. I didn't fucking want to trust him.

This weakness would pass. It had to fucking pass.

I refused to live my life burdened by the past, I just needed time. Time to heal, to move on, to get the fuck away from this godforsaken town and that fucking Academy.

Time to disappear and start somewhere new. Somewhere no one knew my name. Somewhere I could just be, just exist. I wanted to wake up every single day mesmerized by the sun, without all this darkness holding me back. I wanted to get the fuck out of this life, and I couldn't do it if I kept waiting for someone else to give me their approval.

This betrayal from the only family I'd known since I was a little girl hurt more than I dared to admit, but I would survive.

I would survive, goddammit, because none of these people were worthy of my tears or the tearing out of my heart.

There was a new weight pressing on my lungs that hadn't been there before, and every single time I closed my eyes, I could see him. Every single time I was back in that nightmare, seeinghisface as he took and took and took… Why did I not see it before?

How could I have missed the depravity living in those dark depths, thinking that Tyler only ever saw me as a little sister?

There was nothing good in him. Nothing worth saving, and I was a foolish girl spending years mourning the man that would turn out just to be another monster in my life.

"I know it might not feel that way right now," Yolanda's voice caressed my tormented soul, "but you are going to be okay. You are one of the strongest people I know, Vega, and while we might not have been in each other's lives for long, I know a warrior when I see one." I looked up at her, ashamed more than anything else that she had to see me like this. "Just like I once told you, I know a monster when I see one." She smiled softly, taking a hold of my chin in her hand, pulling my face just an inch from hers. "And you, my friend, you're not a monster. You're the one that destroys monsters, and I know you're going to destroy the one who did this to you."

But didn't she understand? I couldn't. I couldn't fucking move, let alone go out and destroy Tyler. The mere thought ofseeing him again had the long talons of panic wrap around my lungs, slowly inching up my throat.

I prided myself on my fearlessness, yet the first obstacle I had to face had me tucking my tail and wishing I didn't even exist.

"And that destruction might not come today or tomorrow or even this year, but you will do it, because you're Vega Konstantinova and you're no one's bitch." Her words held a conviction I couldn't feel, but I held on to them, tightening my fists around each word as if I could claim them as my own, because this girl I had first thought as just a weak spot her family wanted to get rid of was stronger than most of the people I knew.

Yolanda's strength came from a place that didn't need fists, knives, and guns to win. It came from the place where she had to learn how to be strong mentally, because that's what mattered the most in this messed-up life we lived.

"Thank you," I rasped, suddenly feeling exhausted even after all the sleep I got. "I needed to hear that."

"I know." She grinned. "And I'll say it a thousand times more until it reaches those parts of you that need to hear it. You're a fighter, my friend, and fighters don't give up when things get difficult. They push through the walls if they need to, but they continue fighting, because the only other option is to succumb to the fucked-up things living inside our heads, and you know what happens then?"

"What?"

"Death." She took a deep breath, her eyes locked on the wall behind me. "And death is not something any one of us should wish for. Trust me." She looked down at me. "I'd know."

My eyebrows shot up as she peeled off yet another layer of who she truly was, shocking me even without trying. But as soon as those walls she had around herself came down, they shot right back up, and I knew now wasn't the time or place to ask what she meant by that.

There was one thing I was good at and that's reading people, and Yolanda definitely didn't want to talk about the demons haunting her dreams.

"I do need your help," I dared to say, cringing internally, because asking somebody else for help felt like shredding a piece of my own soul. But I could set my pride aside and admit that I couldn't do this on my own. I couldn't escape this place without others knowing.

I just couldn't go back to that place. I couldn't look at Adrian and pretend I wanted to be at the Academy. While I loved seeing Dante and Jax, I couldn't ignore the stabs of disappointment that their mere presence brought, because I knew they were aware of all the secrets Adrian had kept away from me.

"Anything," she said. "I'll do anything for you, you just need to ask."

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