Page 53 of Ruthless Regret

What if it wasn’t just a nightmare? What if it’s my mind trying to tell me something? Something I don’t remember?

I turn away from the window, run a hand through my hair, and take a deep breath. It’s too early to freak out like this. I need to get through the day, and I can’t do that if I keep spiraling. Letting fear control me isn’t an option.

I’ll make a cup of tea, then take a shower and get dressed. Doing normal things worked for me yesterday. If I do it again, maybe my brain will eventually accept that I’m back in New York, back to my normal routines.

Decision made, I grab my robe, and drag it on. I’m halfway to the kitchen when there’s a knock at the door. My entire body locks up. Jessa-Mae and Karla are still asleep, and I doubt they’re expecting visitors. Not at seven in the morning.

Maybe it’s a delivery.

I walk to the door, and peer through the peephole. The sight of Scott standing there catches me off guard.

What ishedoing here?

I consider not answering, not opening the door. I could pretend I’m not home. But he’ll just keep coming until he catches me. And besides, I owe him an explanation.

Taking one last deep breath to calm my nerves, I unlock the door and pull it open.

“Ash, I was hoping you’d be here. Can we talk?”

I nod, stepping aside to let him in. As soon as the door closes, he turns to face me.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is surprisingly steady.

“I’m on my way to work, so I decided to set off earlier and see if you were up. I’ve been worried about you. When I heard you were back, I just … I needed to check in on you.”

I force a smile. “I’m fine.” I gesture for him to follow me into the living room.

Once we’re seated, there’s a long pause. He’s staring down at his hands, and I’m fidgeting with the sleeve of my robe.

“Ash, I … I don’t really know what to say. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around everything, the way you ended things. Over the phone, of all things?”

I look away, guilt washing over me. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do, and I thought it would be better than dragging it out.”

“Dragwhatout? We didn’t even get to talk about it. You just ended it, without any explanation.”

I force myself to meet his gaze. “Being back in Whitstone made me take a look at my life. What we had … it was comfortable. Safe.”

He frowns. “Safe? What does that mean? We were fine. You never said anything was wrong. Now you’re telling me we were justcomfortable? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“That’s because I didn’t see it myself until I was away. But I wasn’t being fair to either of us. I thought I could keep things the way they were because it was easy … but it’s not enough, Scott. Not anymore.”

He blinks, shaking his head slightly, as though he’s trying to process my words. “So what? You just decided to break things off? Afterthreeyears?”

“It wasn’t fair to you. I realized I don’t feel the same way about you, as you do about me. Pretending was only going to hurt you more.”

“You should have talked to me. You didn’t even give me a chance! We’ve been together for years, and you didn’t even give me the courtesy of a real conversation.” His voice cracks, the hurt breaking through his usually calm demeanor.

I close my eyes. “I know, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.”

He clenches his jaw. “Iloveyou, Ash. I’ll fight for you. This can’t be the end.”

“That’s the thing.” My voice trembles, and I pause to try and get control of the emotions threatening to take over. “You shouldn’t have to fight for someone who doesn’t feel the same way.”

“I thought we had something good. We were building a life together.”

“I thought so, too. But it was a habit. It isn’t enough for me, and it wouldn’t be enough for you either. Eventually you’d realize that.”

“After all this time, you suddenly decide you’re not happy?”

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