Page 52 of Down My Chimney

I was grateful that the semester was coming to a close.

We spent the last third of the program in Athens, a city that was mostly a sea of mid-century concrete blocks, but with rocky hills covered in ancient ruins and parkland that rose abruptly skyward at odd points. It was loud, chaotic, and strangely beautiful, but I was tired and ready to go home.

A week before the program ended, Vernon and I had climbed the Pnyx and were watching the setting sun turn the Acropolis a burnished gold. Vernon nudged me with his foot.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Mostly, I’d been thinking about how I wished Blake could see this. But I’d been trying not to be a wet blanket all semester, so I just shrugged and said, “Not thinking about much, really.”

Vernon leaned back, taking in the panorama. “This semester’s been amazing. I don’t want it to end.”

It had been amazing, but it had also made me wish I had done a lot of things differently.

I knew Blake probably didn’t want to talk to me at this point. That I’d lost the chance to be friends with him, because I’d been too wrapped up in my own pain to think about anyone else. But still, I ached to see him.

That seemed like a bit much to say out loud, though, so I just nodded.

“Anything you wish you’d done, or still want to do before we get on that plane next week?”

“I don’t know,” I said softly.

Lately, I’d been thinking that if I could redo anything, it would be not coming on this program in the first place. Not even applying, so I never would have gotten in, and never would have gone down to San Diego and messed things up for both of us.

But at the same time, if I hadn’t come on the program, would I have realized any of this stuff? Noreen had said that studying abroad could change my perspective. I’d had no idea how right she was.

“Sorry I’m not more talkative.” I smiled at Vernon. “What about you? Anything you wish you’d done?”

He nodded. “This.”

Before I could ask what he meant, his hands went to either side of his face, and he kissed me.

I froze in shock, but the second my brain started working, I pulled away and stared at him. “What are you—I thought you were—I mean, aren’t you and Chelle—what?”

I sputtered to a stop, confused.

Vernon shrugged. “We decided to have an open relationship for the semester. And I just…well, I always wanted to try that. And you’re single, aren’t you?”

I shook my head slowly. “I am single. But Vernon, I—I’m not—”

“Not interested?” He smiled ruefully.

“I’m sorry,” I told him. “I’m flattered, but I just…that’s not how I feel about you.”

He pursed his lips for a moment. “Would you be more interested if Blake weren’t in the picture?”

I shook my head again. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, because I love being friends with you, but…just friends, you know?”

He shrugged and looked back out over the city. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

“I’m a mess anyway,” I said with a helpless laugh. “Believe me, you’ve dodged a bullet.”

We were quiet for a minute, and then Vernon said, “You haven’t talked about Blake in a while. I guess I thought maybe you’d moved on.”

“I’ve been trying not to talk about him because I don’t want to sound like a broken record.” I made a face. “But I’m not sure I’m constitutionally built for moving on. It’s been months, and I still miss him, still love him, just as much as I did the last time I saw him.”

Vernon nodded. “You guys were cute, I’ll give you that. But I’ll be honest, I never understood how you got together.”

I smiled wistfully. “We met online. I mean, we met as kids years ago, but the hooking up part happened because we started talking online, not realizing who the other one was.”

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