Page 27 of Down My Chimney

“That’s really nice of you,” I began, “but I don’t actually—”

“I’ll pay you double,” Rick interrupted. “Like I said, I owe you. You did that first post for free, after all.”

I didn’t know what to say. I had literallynoidea what the going rate was for a sponsored post. I looked at my phone and saw messages from both Henry and Marika. I wished either one of them were here right now. They were both smarter than I was.

Matty kicked me under the table, and I shot him a helpless look. He rolled his eyes, then turned to Rick.

“Blake’s being polite,” he said, “but the thing is, I’m not sure you could afford his rates. But maybe we could give you a discount. As a friends-and-family sort of thing.”

I stared at him, horrified, but Rick just nodded like this was the most reasonable thing he’d ever heard.

“I could do a thousand,” he said. “Per post, that is.”

My jaw dropped. This all just seemed wrong. That was a lot of money, and I did not deserve it at all.

“Are you sure?” I asked Rick. Matty kicked me again under the table, and I added, “I mean, the post I made about you was a little raunchy. I wouldn’t want to offend any of your customers.”

“Do I look like I care about offending people?” Rick said, pointing to his septum piercing, and then a tattoo on his bicep that saidI love cock and pussyunder a picture of a rooster playing checkers with a kitten.

My phone buzzed again, a new text from Marika popping up, asking when our next study session was. And suddenly, I had an idea. I smiled back up at Rick.

“I’ll tell you what. You don’t have to pay me double if you’ll do something else for me instead…”

* * *

“And he just did it?” Henry said later that night, when I finally made it back to San Diego.

Even though I was exhausted, I was down in the parking lot, pacing back and forth in the light spring breeze. With the rest of my roommates home too, I wasn’t willing to risk talking to him in my apartment.

“He did,” I said, shaking my head incredulously. “I still can’t believe that actually happened. Who just gives you money in exchange for taking a picture with a goat?”

“Renegade Rick, apparently.” Henry laughed. He sounded delighted by this turn of events, which was making me even giddier. “That’s seriously amazing.”

“I can’t wait to tell Marika. A thousand dollars for charity, out of thin air.”

Those were the terms of the agreement I’d worked out with Rick. I did a second post, this one officially sponsored, and in return, Rick gave a thousand dollars to me, and a thousand to Best Buddies.

“Blake Salazar, budding influencer and media mogul,” Henry said. I could hear his grin through the phone.

“I don’t know that I’d go that far.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I looked it up when we got back, and I’m pretty sure we overcharged him. I only have like, fifty-thousand followers—”

“Only!” Henry said with a laugh. “Onlyfifty-thousand! Sentences I never thought I’d hear anyone say.”

I snorted. “I’m not complaining, I’m just saying, I think the going rate is more like two hundred bucks per post, for someone with my following. Five hundred max. I hope Rick doesn’t feel like we scammed him.”

“Afraid he might come down and pummel you with his knuckle-tatted fists?”

“That, or sic his goats on me. Apparently, Lola and Jean are the names of his goldfish.”

“I’m pretty sure someone who tracked you down toofferyou money isn’t going to get suddenly resentful. Especially if he’s the kind of person who loves his fish enough to tattoo their names on his body.”

“Still, it’s good to know for next time.” I stared up at the leaves of a palm tree that guarded an old telephone booth I’d never seen anyone use. “I don’t want to get a bad reputation.”

“So let me get this straight,” Henry said. “You’ve researched what counts as reasonable rates. You’re thinking about your reputation. You’re planning on there being a next time, but you’renotan influencer?”

“I’m not planning on it. It’s just, you know, if something else falls into my lap…”

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t have any business opportunities for you,” he said, “but if you’re open tomefalling into your lap, I was thinking, what if I came down and visited you next weekend?”

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