Page 91 of My Irresistible Enemy

“Oh.”

“It took some time to convince her she needed to see a doctor. A lot of time, actually. She thought they were going to judge her, tell her she was just a junkie. When she finally did go, we found out she had cancer.”

“Oh my God.”

“She’s had surgery. And she’s doing chemo now. Her doctors say there’s every reason to hope for the best, that the prognosis is good. But we won’t know for sure for a while.”

He brought his finger up and traced that line of yellow down the comforter again. He stopped right before he hit my hand, where it rested between our bodies.

“That’s why I’m here, actually. Turns out, cancer’s fucking expensive. I’ve taken on a lot of debt. And the bills just keep coming.”

“Shit.” I winced. “I should bow out. You have an actual reason to be here, and at least you’d have one less person to compete with.”

“You’re the only reason I’m still here,” Nolan said with a small laugh. “If you leave, everyone will probably go back to hating me.”

“Why didn’t you let them talk to your mom for your family segment? Not to sound cynical, but that’s a hell of a sob story. People would eat that up.”

“I’m not using her like that.” His eyes blazed. “I’ve put her through so much already. I’m not going to profit off her.”

“But it’s not your—”

“Even if it’s not my fault she started using, it is my fault for not seeing her all those years. I cut her off once I got to college. But I keep thinking, what if I hadn’t? Would I have noticed changes in her health sooner? Gotten her to see a doctor earlier? Could we have caught it before it got so bad?”

My heart broke for him. The amount of guilt he was living with, everything he took upon himself, was just too much.

“I want to hug you,” I told him. “But I don’t know if you’ll let me.”

“It’s okay. I’ve had a long time to adjust to it. I’m not gonna start crying just because I had to say it out loud.” He looked up at me, horrified. “Oh, shit. I didn’t mean to imply that you—you know what I meant, right?”

I laughed. “Yeah. I know.”

We were quiet for a minute, dust motes dancing in the sunlight around us. The whole world felt soft and hushed. Like the afternoon was holding its breath, one last, languorous moment before evening began.

Nolan stretched a finger out, hooking it underneath one of mine. “Thank you, though,” he said, his eyes on the comforter.

“For what?” I smiled. “For wanting to hug you? Or for not getting offended when you called me a crybaby to my face?”

He threaded another finger through mine and looked me in the eye. “Both?”

My breath caught. There was so much I wanted to say. To ask. To clarify. But right now, all I could do was marvel at him and how much strength it took, to have been through so much and to still be kind.

Maybe it took a while to find. Nolan kept his softness hidden, like something secret. But that just made it all the sweeter once it spilled into you.

“You were really coming to ask if I wanted to get dinner? When you first came in?”

He shrugged. “Isn’t that what fake boyfriends do?”

“Yes. That’s one thing.” I bit my lip. “We can still go, if you want.”

The words lay strung out between us like dew drops on grass, waiting for the world to inhale.

“What if I want to do something else now?” Nolan whispered.

I laced all our fingers together. “I might be interested.”

“Yeah?” A smile blossomed.

“Yeah.”

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