Page 89 of My Irresistible Enemy

“But I’m an asshole, remember?” Nolan gave me a small smile. “Isn’t that what you always say?”

I rolled my eyes. “When you stop yelling at me for five seconds, you’re actually surprisingly tolerable.”

“Well, when you forget to be a brat, you’re not that bad yourself.” His face softened. “Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do—”

“Yes, you are.”

“Okay, maybe I am. But it’s just because I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I shrugged. The anger from a few minutes ago had drained out of my body. I just felt exhausted now.

“I appreciate it, I guess. But I’m not even really that upset about it.”

“Seriously?” Nolan looked at me incredulously. “You’re back to pretending that?”

“No.” I sighed. “No, Iamupset. I just don’t think it’s really about that.”

Nolan watched as I sank onto the bed. I hugged my knees to my chest. I couldn’t have this conversation standing anymore. I was too tired.

“My parents are assholes,” I muttered.

“Okay,” Nolan said slowly. He made his way to the bed and sat down a few feet away, like he was trying not to spook me.

I supposed that was fair.

“I don’t know why I expect any more from them,” I said. “I should know better by now.”

“Did something happen?”

“Yes? No? I don’t know. Nothing happened, but the way in which that nothing happened was shitty.”

“I’m lost,” Nolan said.

“You know the family segments?”

He nodded.

“I only gave them my brother’s contact info. But somehow, the show found my parents anyway and asked them to do a segment. And they said no, which is like, not shocking at all. But then they fucking called Gabe and instructed him to remind me that they’re disgusted by me and disappointed and want nothing to do with me, and like, Iknowthat. Don’t they think I fuckingknowthat by now? They’ve made it abundantly clear, and I didn’t even ask for anything from them, but they still made sure to reach out with the reminder that they hate me.”

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, and I scrubbed them away with my fists.

“I’m just so sick of wishing they’d be different. Because I know in my heart they never will be, but I can’t stop wanting it. And I just wish they’d tell me what it is that I did to deserve their hate because I can’t figure it out.”

And then, somehow, Nolan was hugging me again, and that only made me want to cry more. It was quieter this time, though. No angry, shaking sobs. I was too worn out for those.

But Nolan held me, and said all sorts of sweet, nonsensical things that he couldn’t possibly know, like,Shhh, and,It’s alright, and,It’s gonna be okay. I wanted to tell him he didn’t get to be an authority on everything. That things wouldn’t be okay just because he said they would be, that he couldn’t be in control all the time. But it felt so nice to be held, and I decided it was easier not to say anything at all.

When Nolan finally pulled away, I was horizontal, my head on a pillow. I didn’t know how that had happened. It didn’t feel sexual at all as Nolan lay down to face me, but it did feel intimate. I was doing a terrible job at not relying on him, and it was going to bite me in the ass.

But with his calm, dark eyes watching me, his warm body only a foot away, it was hard to care. He smiled, loose and comforting, like a daffodil curving towards the sun. I bunched the pillow up under my head and told myself to stop getting metaphorical.

“I don’t know what it feels like to have parents like that,” Nolan said, “but I do know what it’s like to want something from someone who just won’t—or can’t—give it to you. It really fucking sucks.”

“Yeah. It really does.” I exhaled slowly. “You had Deacon and Mal do your family segment.”

It wasn’t a question, except it was, and Nolan nodded.

“The network wants feel-good family segments, and my family…isn’t that.” He swallowed. “I grew up with my grandparents, actually, but they both passed on a few years ago.”

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