Page 106 of My Irresistible Enemy

“No, but I will be soon, presumably. I’m just waiting for a production assistant to tell me what flight the show’s putting me on.”

“What flight they’re—but why? What are you coming home for? Is it one of thosethis is where I came from, come see my humble beginningssegments or—”

“I got cut, Henry. They found out about my CamFans account, and they’re sending me home.”

“Oh.”

For the second time in under a minute, Henry’s voice changed, this time from confused to sad. He sounded more broken up than I was, actually. I was sure I was sad, underneath everything. But all I felt right now was numb.

“What happened?” he asked gently. “How did they find out? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but—”

“No, it’s fine.” I looked out the window of my bedroom, watching the crew scurry back and forth across the Wisteria’s yard below. I wondered how many of them knew the truth about me now. How many of them were judging. “The whole world will know soon enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that the judges called a meeting with the remaining contestants today and then confronted me, on camera, with the fact that they’d found my account. No, correction: with the fact that my account had beenbrought to their attention. Meaning someone told them about it. Three guesses who that was.”

Henry was quiet for a moment. “You don’t mean—wait, you don’t thinkNolanhad something to do with it, do you? I thought you two were, you know…”

“Well, you thought wrong. As did I, apparently. We fought a few nights ago. He wanted me to shut down my account, I told him he was jealous, he told me to go to hell, basically, and this morning, he could barely look me in the eye when the judges called that meeting.”

“Jesus. Was that the first time he found out about your account? When you fought, that is?”

“No. No, I told him about it a while ago.” A thread of sadness started to snake its way up through the gray fog filling my body. I could feel an ocean of it underneath, waiting to pull me under. “He seemed—I don’t know. I thought he was just worried about me, at first. About me getting hurt.”

“So what changed? Did he see someone DMing you their dick or something?”

“No, nothing like that. But there’s this one guy who’s been kinda creepy to me. Sending these weird, stalker-y messages. And I made the mistake of telling Nolan, and then he saw one of them a few nights ago, and he just wouldn’t let it go.”

“I’m confused,” Henry said. “That sounds like he reallyisjust worried. What’s wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong is that he’s treating me like a child! He doesn’t think I’m competent enough to handle my own life, thinks it’s his business to tell me what to do. Like he has the right to dictate what I do with my body, when he won’t even—”

I broke off before I could finish the sentence.

“Won’t evenwhat?” Henry asked.

Won’t even admit he likes me, I thought.Won’t even tell me if hedoeslike me.Won’t reassure me that I’m not on my own here, falling for a guy who doesn’t feel anything for me.

I pressed my lips together. It wasn’t fair, I knew, to demand that Nolan return my feelings. Just because I’d gone and fallen head-over-fucking-heels for him didn’t mean he owed me anything. That was all on me.

But I’d just—I’d thought maybe he did feel something. Maybe not the same amount that I liked him, butsomething. For the first time in so long, Nolan had made me feel wanted. Needed, even.

Loved.

I closed my eyes to hold back the tears that suddenly pressed to come out. Fuck. Had Nolan actually made me feel loved? Or was I just so dumb that I’d confused my feelings for him with what he felt for me? Was I just stupid enough to fall in love with someone who would never love me back?

“It’s okay,” Henry said, his voice soft. I’d actually forgotten I was on the phone for a moment. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I know I’m—you know. A mess.”

“You’re not a mess.”

“Iam. And a hypocrite, too. This is what I asked for, isn’t it? Exposure? There’s no way anyone who watches the show will forget me now. I’m getting exactly what I wanted, and I don’t even want it anymore.”

“It’s okay for the things we want to change,” Henry said. “It’s okay forusto change, you know?”

Had I changed? Or had Nolan changed me? Maybe he’d just forced me to confront the lie my life had been before meeting him. To admit that I’d been running away from what I really wanted.

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