Page 105 of My Irresistible Enemy

Worse, he didn’t just make me want things—he forced me to acknowledge what I needed, things I’d denied myself for too long. Trust. Intimacy.Love.

Aiden made me want to risk. Risk being seen. Risk being known. And that terrified me.

Behind me, the ocean crashed onto the shore.

I looked up at Tate and whispered, “What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

Tate smiled. “But what if he does?”

How could he, though? Whywouldhe? I didn’t have any right to expect Aiden to feel something for me. Not with the way I’d acted. Not after how I’d treated him.

And now he was going to go home, thinking I hated him. Thinking I’d deliberately fucked him over, when I’d never even gotten a chance to tell him that I—that I loved him.

How had I fallen in love without even realizing it? And what the hell was I supposed to do now?

I could barely think the words in my head, much less say them to another person. And if I did—if I told Aiden how I felt—I’d be risking everything. I wasn’t sure I could bring myself to do that. To give life permission to take another swing at me.

“I don’t know if I can take another heartbreak right now,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Tate asked.

“What if he laughs at me? What if he says he hates me? I wouldn’t even blame him. I’ve been such an asshole.”

“I was an asshole once too,” Tate said. “But sometimes, the right person can see through all your fears and your bullshit. Sometimes, meeting the right person is what it takes to make you change.”

“Wouldn’t you rather feel something and get hurt than harden your heart and be numb?” Em asked. “Wouldn’t you rather admit you have feelings than pretend you have none at all?”

I thought about the last year of my life. About the last twenty years, really. I’d made myself smaller and smaller, trying to keep the world from crushing me. I’d tried to be so perfect, tried so hard to atone for all the times I’d fucked up.

What had it gotten me, other than anxiety, and guilt, and loneliness? I’d never be perfect. And even if I could, it wouldn’t fix anything. It would just be another way to keep people at arm’s length.

I’d let my fear of getting hurt turn into a fucked-up kind of pride. There was no virtue in pretending I didn’t need anyone. All it did was trade one kind of pain for another. I’d taken a knife to my own heart, just so no one else could.

“I fucked up,” I said. “Really badly. I hurt him. Said things I shouldn’t have. I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway, just because I was scared—scared he’d hurt me first.”

“Go tell him,” Tate said. “Apologize. Before it’s too late. He’s the one you should be saying all this to, not us.”

“You really think I should?” I asked. “Even after everything—”

“I can’t believe you’re even asking us that question,” Em broke in. “I can’t believe you’re still here talking to us, instead of him.”

I looked between him and Tate. Heard the ocean roaring at my back. Felt my heart pound in time with its rhythm.

There was no guarantee Aiden would even talk to me, if I went to find him right now. But was I really willing to let even the slimmest chance slip through my fingers?

Feeling something was better than feeling nothing at all.

I nodded. “Okay. I’m gonna talk to him. Or try to, anyway.” I looked at both of them. “But I’m going to need your help.”

17

Aiden

“It’s America’s favorite baker!” Henry’s voice sang over the phone when he picked up. “To what do I owe the unexpected pleasure of this call? Do you need someone to rehearse your Emmys’ acceptance speech with? Do you need someone to remind you not to forget all the little people? Do you need a cake tester? Because that last one might be a bit tough for me to do from California, but I’ll give it my best shot.”

“No,” I said, unable to hold back a sigh. “No, I need a ride home.”

“Wait, what?” Henry’s tone shifted. “What do you mean? What happened? Are you at the airport?”

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