Page 10 of My First Time Fling

“To you sporty types, maybe,” he grumbled. “You’ve forgotten what reality is like for us normals.Weunderstand that a hill is a hill, even if it’s not the Matterhorn.”

This was the second of our weekly long runs, two weeks after I’d first met Jesse at the Flamingo. I still couldn’t really believe I’d agreed to run a marathon with someone I’d just met, but oddly, I didn’t regret it. Something about Jesse had just seemed fun when I’d met him, and so far, that was proving to be true.

Sure, he was a bit dramatic about our training runs, peppering them with remarks about how I was trying to kill him—but it did keep things entertaining. He just seemed so at ease with himself, so willing to speak his mind. It was infectious.

“I didn’t realize Florida was home for you,” I said, leaping over a puddle that had formed in a dip in the sidewalk. “How long have you been up here in Savannah?”

“A little over a year.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Is it?” Jesse frowned. “I feel like most of the people I meet here are born-and-bred Georgians.”

“Well, long compared to me, I guess.”

He laughed. “Well, you know. I’m not someone to do things halfway. If I’m going to try to save a failing relationship and hang on way past the point that I should, I’m going to really commit to that hanging on. No giving up at a reasonable time for me.”

“Was it that bad the whole time?” I asked.

Jesse breathed in silence for a moment and didn’t answer. I winced. Maybe I was prying. Just because I felt strangely comfortable around him didn’t mean he felt the same.

“Sorry,” I said. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said, breathing hard. “I was just thinking about it. Trying to give you a real answer, you know. I mean, it was and it wasn’t. It’s not like it was terribleallthe time. There were still enough good moments, at least for most of it, to make me think that all the nagging doubts I had were just me being paranoid, and not actually him treating me badly.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.” Jesse made a face. “It didn’t start to get really bad ‘til the end. Tanner just withdrew so much, and when I think about it now, I think he was hoping I’d get sick of it and break up with him, so he wouldn’t have to be the bad guy. But I was clinging to this dream that if I just hung on long enough, things would get better. It was almost a relief when I found out he was cheating on me.”

My eyes widened. “What? Why? That’s terrible.”

“Well, yeah. It is. I’m not like, glad it happened. But I don’t know, maybe I needed something like that as a wake-up call. Like, ‘Hi, I really am a dick, and you really do need to dump me,’ you know? Who knows how long I would have lasted otherwise? God, that makes me sound pathetic, doesn’t it?”

Jesse flashed me another grin, and I felt that weird tingle again.

“Not pathetic at all,” I said, pushing the feeling aside. “I think it shows that you’re a good person who tries to see the best in people.”

“Well, an idiot then. At least that.”

“Why?”

“Uh, for loving someone who didn’t love me back? Who was lying to me?” His voice was bitter. “It’s like I was the last person in a group to find something out, except it was a group of two, and the thing I found out was that he didn’t want to be with me.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of in loving someone who didn’t love you back. You opened your heart to someone and made yourself vulnerable. That’s amazing, not embarrassing. It’s kinda like, the whole point. Of life, you know? But at the same time, you don’t need a guy to make you whole.”

“I didn’t realize I was getting an inspirational pep talk along with a run today,” Jesse said with a grin. “I wish I’d brought a recorder so I could play this back the next time I’m drowning my sorrows in a pint of ice cream. Or beer, for that matter.

I flushed. I hadn’t meant to come on so strong, or sound so vehement. I just didn’t want him to think that he’d done anything wrong, or think that the takeaway should be not to trust people. He seemed like such a great guy. I didn’t want him to get his spirits crushed.

I might not be able to fix my own life, but I could try to help him.

“I’m just trying to say that being treated badly doesn’t make you an idiot. It just makes your ex an asshole. You deserve better.” Jesse’s cheeks got even pinker and he gave me a strange look. “What?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “You do.”

“Mark, you’ve known me for two weeks. I appreciate the sentiment, but for all you know, I could be a heartless asshole. I could be the kind of person who kicks puppies.”

“Says the guy who made us stop running a mile back so he could coo over a bulldog? They’re not even cute, and you had to stop to pet it.”

“Um, bulldogs are adorable, and there's something wrong with you if you can’t see that. So I’m officially not believing any compliments you give me anymore.”

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