Page 5 of My First Time Fling

“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, everything’s great.”

“But?”

“But what? No buts. Really, everything’s fine.”

“Dude, there was definitely abutin your voice when you said that. Come on, what’s up?”

For a bro, Gabe could be confusingly perceptive. But he was also, somehow, easier to talk to about these things than people I was ostensibly closer with. I sighed.

“I don’t know, really. I mean, everythingisfine. It’s just…I guess I just realized that I don’t know anyone out here. And my grandma’s throwing me out of the house tonight, insisting I go out and get my kicks like the young whippersnapper she insists I am, and I just, I don’t know, it feels like it’s gonna be this whole thing, and I just kinda want to not bother.”

“Hah,” Gabe said, barking a laugh. “Well, that’s not surprising. That you’re a bit gun-shy, if you’ll pardon the expression. Considering.”

“Yeah.” I was quiet for a moment, flashing back to the last time I’d seen Gabe. Our office’s conference room, the middle of a staff birthday party, when I’d basically had a complete mental breakdown. “Yeah, I guess not.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Like, dating?” I asked, confused for a second. “Oh, or like, for appointments.”

“For appointments.”

“Yeah. First one’s tomorrow, actually.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” I paused again. “And I bet they’re going to tell me the same thing as my grandma.”

“Go make bad decisions?”

“I was thinking more the ‘go make friends and connect with people on an emotionally honest level’ sort of thing. But hey, you never know.”

“Dude, I’m not saying I know what it’s like to be going through what you’re going through, but it sounds like pretty decent advice, don’t you think?”

“Ugh, probably. Dammit, I knew I should have just wallowed tonight and not called you back. But here I am, talking to you, and one bit of human contact is going to lead to another until it snowballs—”

“And you end the night holding hands with a circle of strangers, singingkum bay ya?” Gabe finished for me.

“Something like that.”

“Come on, you don’t have to propose marriage to anyone you meet tonight. Just make five minutes of small talk, have a beer, and leave. Easy peasy.”

“Easy for you to say,” I grumbled. “You’re not the weirdo who freaks out in crowds and never knows when he’s gonna have another panic attack.”

“I’ve got a secret for you: we’re all weirdos. You’re just more honest about it.”

“That’s comforting.”

“You’re gonna be fine,” Gabe said. “You’re nowhere near as awkward as you think you are. Besides, you’re a strapping young specimen of a man. People will put up with a whole lot of awkward if it comes in a hot package.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me.”

“Nah, man, just speaking from experience. You know how I roll,” Gabe said with a laugh that I ended up succumbing to. I could practically see him buffing his fingernails on his sweater as he said that.

“I guess one drink wouldn’t kill me,” I said as I wandered into the kitchen to peer into the fridge. “All Gigi’s got is boxed wine, and once that runs out, we’ll be down to the sherry.”

“Hey, don’t knock sherry till you’ve tried it,” Gabe said. “But sure, I like that attitude. Confidence. That’s the key.”

“Small goals is more like it,” I said, shrugging. But the more I thought about it, the more it did start to seem like a good idea. Or maybe it was just Gabe’s infectious attitude putting me in a better mood. But I was suddenly filled with a desire to go out there and achieve something. That feeling was so rare these days, so fleeting, that I figured I’d better capitalize on it.

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