Page 52 of My First Time Fling

By the third day of me texting ‘out sick’ in the morning and ignoring his calls for the rest of the day, Brooklyn decided he’d had enough and came over. Since my housemates never locked the damn doors, he was able to march right into my room, where he folded his arms and gave me a look.

“So?” I asked, bitterly. “Are you here to give me a lecture? Well let ‘er rip. Trust me, anything you could say to me, I’ve already said to myself. I know I’m supposed to look for silver linings and pull myself up by my bootstraps. But fuck your bootstraps. I’m doing just fine wallowing in this bed, thank you very much.”

“You smell.”

“What?”

“You said you’d heard all the other stuff I was going to say to you, so I decided to skip it in favor of the one thing you didn’t mention. You smell. When was the last time you took a shower?”

“Sunday,” I muttered. Who cared? Showering only mattered if you were going to leave the house. I didn’t even plan on leaving the room for at least another week.

“I’m surprised you don’t have ants crawling on you at this point,” Brooklyn said. “Though you’d have to be eating for that, I suppose. Have you been?”

“Eating?”

“Yeah.”

I shrugged. “I’m not hungry.”

“So you haven’t showered, you haven’t eaten, and you’ve avoided human contact for seventy-two hours. Hmm. Well, I guess you really did it.”

“Did what?” I asked suspiciously.

“You won!” Brooklyn’s face broke into a huge grin, and he ran over, jumping onto my bed and shaking me by the shoulders. “You won the saddest, most pitiable, best break-up-ee award! I have to say, I wasn’t sure you could do it. It was touch and go there for a while, but you pulled through in the end and you really nailed this one! Congratulations!”

“What are you doing?” I asked, shoving him away. “Get off. Aren’t you worried you’ll start to smell like me?”

“Jesse, it would be my honor to smell as gross and disgusting as you do right now, if it meant a little bit of your incredible talent rubbed off on me. But I can only dream of reaching the depressing, forlorn heights you’ve achieved. Truly, you’re an inspiration to everyone who's ever dreamed of being heartbroken. Have you written a speech?”

“I swear to God, if you don’t get off this bed right now, I’ll—”

“What? What exactly will you do? Stench me to death? Kill me? Your muscles have probably atrophied to the strength of a three-year-old's. Oh, or wait, are you going to infect me with your sad?”

“You’re an asshole. A good friend wouldn't mock me.”

“I know,” Brooklyn said, moving a few inches over on the bed so he could lean against the wall. I took the opportunity to give my armpit a surreptitious sniff while he was busy shoving a pillow behind his back. Yikes. It was way worse than I’d thought. “And I'm sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh, but I realize it was a pretty lame joke. But I’m here. If you need me.”

And hearing him say that, the exact words I’d wanted to say to Mark, broke something inside of me.

“Thanks,” I said after a long moment. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a shit friend all week.”

“Nah, you haven’t been.” Brooklyn waved away my apology. “You’re allowed to be sad.”

“But you shouldn’t have to come here and deal with me like this.”

“Eh, it’s my job as your friend. Besides, itissort of interesting as a spectator sport.”

“How so?” I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like the answer.

“I don’t know, wondering if this breakup was going to be harder on you than the Tanner breakup, for instance.”

“Oh, great. Have you been placing bets?”

“With myself,” Brooklyn said with an unrepentant grin. “And I think I know the answer, but I would need you to confirm—”

“Much worse,” I said wryly. “This one is so much worse. No contest. God, I guess that’s a silver lining. It puts Tanner in perspective. Hooray, I don’t have to be heartbroken over two guys at the same time!”

“Certainly makes it easier,” Brooklyn said, smiling.

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