Page 48 of My First Time Fling

“I’m game if you are,” I said, a shiver running down my spine. “That’s half the fun.”

I slid his briefs down until his dick sprang free, long and firm with a thatch of light hair at the base. I still got a thrill in the pit of my stomach when I looked at it, knowing what I was about to do. It still felt a little wrong, putting my mouth around another man’s cock. A little bit forbidden.

I fucking loved it.

I cupped his balls in one hand and caressed his shaft in the other before gripping the base tightly. Jesse grunted in response and braced himself against the counter. I knew I was totally exposed, that anyone could walk in and see me on my knees, sucking him off. I smiled.

I brought my lips to the tip of his cock and caressed it lightly with my tongue, circling his head and getting him wet before taking him fully with my mouth. Then I wrapped my lips around his shaft and slid down on it, keeping the suction tight.

I loved the way Jesse tasted and smelled. Salty, musky, and masculine. I circled his tip with my tongue again as I slid him in and out, and he moaned. He thrust his hips forward as I began to suck him in earnest, running his hands along the back of my neck and drawing me forward. I slipped the fingers of my left hand into my mouth along with his cock, coating them fully before moving them back to his hole.

Jesse whimpered when I pushed my index finger against his entrance, widening his stance to give me more access. I didn’t have lube with me, but I didn’t need to slide my finger very far in to make him tremble. He loved it when I touched him there, and I loved making him lose control. He was soft and tight around me, the heat of his body driving me crazy.

Jesse began to moan steadily, trying and failing to keep quiet. Well, not failing entirely. If we really had been alone, he would have been twice as loud. I loved that under other circumstances, I could make him scream.

He began bucking underneath me, thrusting his hips forward, sliding more of his cock into my throat, then pushing back onto my fingers. I let him use my mouth, keeping my lips wrapped tightly around him, and hummed as his knees shook. When he came, he clasped the back of my neck and released hard down my throat. I kept my fingers inside him until his body stilled, then licked his cock clean before finally standing up and kissing him. That was something else I’d learned about him this month—he liked the taste of his own cum on my lips.

When Jesse finally pulled away, he gave me a lopsided grin. “What were we talking about before? I don’t even remember.”

“Doesn’t seem to matter as much now, does it?”

It did matter. I knew it did. And I knew that sooner or later, we’d have to deal with the consequences of what was wrong with me.

But I didn’t want to think about that now. I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that maybe I wasn’t ready to date anyone. That this relationship, no matter how much I cared about Jesse, might not be good for me. Or him.

“No,” Jesse smiled. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”

15

Jesse

Brooklyn and I were almost never both free on weekend mornings. One of us was always on shift at Cardigan Cafe. So when it turned out that we were both off the Sunday after his birthday, he’d suggested a group brunch to celebrate.

Well, brunch might have been stretching it. That seemed like too fancy a word to apply to a place where you could order bacon with a side of bacon, which was exactly what the Ogeechee Diner was. But still, I’d jumped at the chance for me and Mark to hang out with Brooklyn and his friends.

Would you be shocked to hear that Mark said he couldn’t make it? I was, even though I really shouldn’t have been, by now. He claimed he had to help Gigi put up shelf paper all day, but first of all, did people even really still do that, and second of all, how long could that possibly take?

But still, I didn’t push. I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew Brooklyn would be disappointed in me. But I was so sure I wasn’t going to like the answer, when I finally asked Mark what was wrong. Somehow, it had just seemed easier to avoid the issue, once again.

Which was why I was walking to the Ogeechee Diner alone.

It couldn’t be Brooklyn who Mark was avoiding. True to his word, Mark had invited Brooklyn over for dinner the night after the birthday party he’d missed, and he’d revealed yet another hidden layer by grilling us perfect sea bass. So he wasn’t avoiding my friend, or hiding a deep-seated aversion to meals or enjoyable evenings in general.

It just didn’t make sense. Mark was hot, smart, capable, and kind, and now it turned out he was an amazing chef. He was essentially the world’s most perfect boyfriend. But he was hiding something. I just knew it.

I’d finally found a guy who seemed to like me as much as I liked him. Or at least, almost as much as I liked him. Because if I was being completely honest, I was pretty sure I more thanlikedMark. I loved him. And all I wanted to do was show him off to the entire world, and not constantly be worrying about the secret he was hiding.

Hell, maybe Iwasthe secret he was hiding. Maybe the Army, or his family, or some deeply conservative children’s minister had instilled a latent homophobia in him, something that made him comfortable being with me, but only in private? I knew that was a stretch, but there had to be some explanation, and I was at the end of my rope.

So many things with Mark felt right. Felt good. Better than any other relationship I’d been in, frankly. But the fact that I felt like I couldn’t count on him, like there was something he wasn’t telling me, was maddeningly familiar.

The last six months of my relationship with Tanner had felt similar. He became evasive, never wanting to commit to anything, ducking my questions and giving me answers that never quite added up.

I hated the thought that Mark had anything in common with Tanner. He’d seemed so different. Hewasso different. So why was he acting like this?

He couldn’t be cheating on me. Right? He wouldn’t do that.

Not when he knew how much it would hurt me, especially after how everything with Tanner had ended. Did he have some kind of second life he was hiding? Drug addiction? Gambling problem? A secret family in Idaho?

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