Page 25 of My First Time Fling

His back to me, he pulled off the T-shirt he’d been wearing, revealing bare skin that I ached to run my hands—and my lips—across. When he pulled off his jeans and bent over to turn down the bed, his ass was perfectly outlined in his briefs, and my breath caught. Tight and firm. I wondered what it would be like to run my hands over that, or to—fuck.

Jesse turned around while I was still mid-fantasy. I averted my gaze quickly, but he closed the door anyway. Shit.

Was there any chance he might have thought I was just lost in generic thought, instead of lost in thought abouthimspecifically? Probably not. Probably the best I could hope for was that he hadn’t noticed the boner I’d gotten just from watching him.

I walked uncomfortably back to my room and closed the door, willing my mind to stop whirring, telling my brain to shut off for the night. I was not going to think about Jesse anymore. Not going to fantasize about him waking up in the middle of the night, coming into my room, and joining me in bed. Not going to think about tearing off his clothes, feeling his naked skin next to mine. Not going to—

Who was I kidding? Yes, I was. I couldn’t stop myself.

Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned back against the door and grabbed my cock, straining against the cotton of my boxers. I was throbbing, begging for relief. Something about Jesse just drove me crazy. Made me forget all my rationalizations, my carefully lined up reasons why crushing on him was a bad idea. When I was around him, all I could think wasYes.It just felt so right.

I pumped my shaft up and down quickly, filled with an urgent need for release. Jesse was so close, just one door down the hall. I pictured him in bed, wondering if he slept in just his briefs, or maybe even naked. What would he do if he knew I was on the other side of the wall, stroking my cock to thoughts of him?

I imagined myself walking into his room. Showing him how hard he made me. I could see the surprise on his face and then—would he smile? Would he say that he felt it too, that ceaseless need, pulling me toward him?

Fuck, I wanted him. I wanted to take him in my hands and make him mine. I wanted him to whisper my name, to say he wanted me too. To open himself up to me. I wanted my first time with a man to be with him. I wanted to give him everything, and for him to give everything to me.

I pulled down hard on my cock, tightening my grip. Everything inside me tensed, tingled, as my orgasm built up, gaining speed and force as it grew. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I bit my lip to keep from crying out as I came, surrendering to the sweet release I’d been craving.

I panted as I came down from that high, shaking my head in wonder. Jesse turned me on in a way no one else ever had. I pushed away from the door, stepping lightly over a creaky floorboard so that he wouldn’t hear. Not that he’d have any reason to be suspicious, but still. The walls in this house were so thin.

Which was when I realized I’d made a huge mistake. I sank down onto the bed, shocked at my own idiocy. Jesse was just on the other side of the wall, which meant not only could he hear creaking floorboards, he could hear anything at all that issued from my room.

I had to keep it together tonight. No panic attacks. No nightmares. No waking up screaming, convinced I was back overseas, reliving the worst day of my life. Shit.

I had no control over when the nightmares came. My therapist told me they’d likely get better with time, but I wasn’t there yet. Sometimes I could go two, three nights without one, but sometimes I woke up yelling five nights in a row. There was only one thing that I knew for certain affected them, and that was stress. Stress always made them worse.

And there was no greater stress than having my friend, who I had a huge crush on, sleeping in the room next to mine. Fuck. I couldn’t risk falling asleep now.

I sat back in bed, not lying down, and for the first time, prayed that my insomnia would be especially bad tonight. I leaned against my pillows, stared off into space, and let my restless thoughts spin through my mind. I didn’t move at all—not until I heard the faint noise of Jesse’s phone alarm go off at what must have been four a.m.

His footsteps padded through the hall and down the stairs, and finally—finally—I heard the front door open and close behind him. I heaved a sigh of relief. He was gone.

He was gone, and I already ached for him to come back.

9

Jesse

The morning that I woke up at Mark’s house, I forgot that I wasn’t at home.

That wouldn’t normally be a huge issue, except that I was bleary from my lack of sleep, and it was still pitch black, and I didn’t think to turn on a lamp. I just swung my legs over the edge of the bed, stood up, and immediately walked into a wall.

Things only went downhill from there.

My car was being recalcitrant and took forever to start, making me fifteen minutes late by the time I arrived at the cafe. Not that it was open, or that there was anyone to notice I was late, but it meant I was behind schedule for the morning baking.

I hurried into the kitchen to get things started and I was in such a rush that I didn’t realize we were out of blueberries for the scones I was making until it was time to add them in. I improvised, tossing in cranberries and orange zest instead, and crossed my fingers that people would accept the menu deviation without too much complaint.

I made a mental note to change the label and promptly forgot when I discovered that the cash register hadn’t been counted out properly the night before. I checked the schedule on the wall behind the espresso machine—Harris had closed. Of course. I wouldn’t trust that guy to tie his own shoes.

It was just one thing after another, and right when Brooklyn arrived, and I finally had a moment to breathe, my sister, Jenna, called to tell me that my mother had fallen last night and was in a hospital in Miami, having tests done.

Everything in me panicked. Even though Jenna had moved home to take over as my mom’s primary caretaker, I still worried about her every day.

Jenna insisted that everything was fine for now and that she’d let me know as soon as she had more information, but I was a nervous wreck until she finally called back at two that afternoon. She said that my mom was fine and even put her on the phone, which did make me feel a little better, but also made me miss them both even more than usual.

By the time I hung up, I was drained. Brooklyn took one look at me and shook his head as I walked back toward the register to take another order.

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