Page 22 of My First Time Fling

“I mean, I just thought—”

“No, right, that’s a good idea,” Mark interrupted. “I mean, we’re friends. It was just weird, and I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I don’t really know why I did, to be honest.”

Ah, there it was. The punch to the stomach I’d been looking for. My month-long hot-air-balloon of a crush popped with just a few words.

He didn’t like me, I’d been stupid to think he ever did, and the sooner we forgot about it all, the better.

The worst part about it was that I was on board. I’d rather have him as a friend than nothing. And if I told him how I actually felt, I might lose him completely.

I didn’t think I could handle losing Mark as a friend. It wasn’t just that he’d somehow convinced me to run this stupid race, or that he had me looking forward to our runs together. I’d gotten used to having him in my life. Getting lunch after our long weekend runs, or hanging out, annoying Brooklyn at the cafe.

If denying my feelings was what it took to keep Mark around, I was willing to do that, no matter how messed up I knew that was.

“It’s alright,” I said, shrugging like I wasn’t slowly dying inside. I laughed lightly. “It makes more sense than you actually being into guys. I didn’t really get that vibe from you.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

Yeah?I guess?!Well that was weird, wasn’t it? Wouldn’t a straight guy be anxious to establish just how straight he was, especially in this situation?

God, what if it was worse? What if Markwasinto guys, but to spare my feelings, he was pretending he wasn’t, just so he wouldn’t have to awkwardly explain that it wasn’t men he was repulsed by, just me?

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said after a moment, “about something you said a while ago.”

“Oh?” My stomach tensed. Where was this going? Were we still talking about things between us, or—

“When you met my grandma, Gigi, you said something about already being in love with another old house. I was just curious what you meant by that.”

Oh.

“It’s kind of dumb,” I said, flushing.

I felt suddenly shy, afraid of what Mark would think if I told him about my dream. But talking about anything else was better than the awkward trainwreck that had started the conversation, so maybe I didn’t have anything to complain about.

“What’s dumb about it?” he asked.

“Well, it’s not something I tell a lot of people.” I drew in a deep breath as we turned a corner. In for a penny, in for a pound, I supposed. “But I kind of have this dream of opening a bed and breakfast. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve just always loved the idea of having a place that I can make warm and inviting for people. A place where I can welcome people in, and make them feel like they have a refuge from the world.”

“That’s not stupid, that’s awesome. How long have you wanted to do that?”

Mark was looking at me again, but he was smiling this time. Maybe this run was salvageable after all.

“My whole life, I guess?” I said, thinking it over. “I think I got it from my mom, actually. Even though she had trouble getting around, she liked having people over, filling our house up with love. Especially after my dad left. And then I started working at hotels in Miami when I was in high school, and the more I learned about it, the more I fell in love with the business.”

“That’s so cool. So there’s a house up here you want to buy or something?”

“Yeah. But that’s where it gets frustrating. The house isn’t actually here. It’s on an island a couple of hours down the coast. It already is a bed and breakfast, or at least, it was. The Sea Glass Inn. But the current owner can’t keep it up, so he’s looking to sell it. I must have visited it a hundred times by now. It needs a lot of work, and I’ve been trying to get the money together to buy it.”

“Whoa, that’s great.” Mark flashed me a grin.

“It would be.” I made a face. “If I could make it work. I’ve been working at the Flamingo and Cardigan Cafe to save up, and taking online courses in business administration. But the last I heard, the owner had found someone who could make a better offer than I could.”

“What? Doesn’t he know how much you want it?” Mark looked indignant on my behalf and my heart felt like it was going to burst.

“He does, and he’s honestly been so nice about it, but he can’t really afford to sell it for what I can offer. Not now that he has a better offer on the table. For a while, I was hoping that Tanner would want to do this with me, but obviously, that’s not going to happen now.”

“Fuck that guy. You don’t need him.”

“Well, maybe not him specifically,” I said. “But it wouldn’t have hurt to have a business partner. Especially with all the work and rehab that the place would need to get it back into shape. Ugh, the new owners will probably just knock it down and put up condos or something. There’s been a lot of that on the island recently. And this place has a great location, right on the shoreline up on this bluff. You’re practically on top of the ocean when you’re on the back porch. It’s incredible.”

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