Page 20 of My First Time Fling

I shook my head and hung up. Was I really going to take advice from a guy who was drinking his breakfast foods, surrounded by people who dove into trash cans for fun? That seemed questionable.

On the other hand, I couldn’t think of any better alternatives. I ran the risk of fucking things up with Jesse no matter what I did, but following Gabe’s advice was probably my best chance that Jesse would be willing to speak to me ever again.

Because it didn’t matter that I’d known Jesse for less than a month—I’d already gotten to the point where I couldn’t imagine not getting to see him anymore. So what other choice did I have?

7

Jesse

“He kissed you?”

Brooklyn’s voice was muffled behind the kitchen door, but even so, I could hear how incredulous he sounded. I was leaning up against the counter at Cardigan Cafe, about to meet Mark for a run. Brooklyn emerged from the back carrying a tray of scones that he began to load into the glass display case.

“I know!” I said, equally shocked. It was a week since that day in the park, but Brooklyn had been out of town, and now that I could finally tell him, I was reliving the surprise I’d felt when it’d happened. “So weird, right?”

“Was it good?” Brooklyn finished loading the case and moved the empty baking sheet to a back counter.

“So good. Like, unbelievably good. It washot. And not just because it was ninety degrees outside with ninety-nine percent humidity. But then he freaked out and literally ran away, so, yeah. That part wasn’t so great.”

“Have you talked about it at all?”

“No! That’s the thing. Radio silence until Tuesday, when he texted to tell me he couldn’t make our mid-week run. And then nothing again until yesterday when I asked if we were still doing this long run today together. Which, apparently, we are. But I feel like it’s going to be so awkward since we haven’t really talked since it happened. Usually we’re texting back and forth all the time.”

Brooklyn gave me a long look. “So you haven’t brought it up because you’re waiting for him to bring it up, right?”

“Yeah?”

“You ever think he’s not bringing it up because he’s waiting for you to do it?”

“But he’s the one who kissed me!”

“Yeah, well, maybe he figures the ball’s in your court now.” Brooklyn shrugged as he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee. “So you just have to decide what to say.”

“Ugh, this is terrible.” I looked plaintively at Brooklyn until he sighed and poured a second, smaller cup of coffee for me. “I don’t want to be the one to start the conversation. That means I have to know what I want to say about it.”

“Well, don’t you? I mean, if the kiss was that good, I’m assuming what you want to say is something along the lines of, ‘Yes, please, more now, thank you,’ right?”

“Yeah, except that, again, he kissed me and then reacted like I’d burned him or something. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. So he’s probably spent all week trying to figure out how to tell me he doesn’t actually even like guys and it was all a mistake. God, it figures that the first person I fall for after Tanner is someone who’s even worse for me thanhewas.”

“First of all, that’s bullshit, and you know it. Tanner was straight up an asshole. Mark…we don’t even know what Mark is. But you won’t find out unless you talk to him.”

“Ugh, but talking about feelings is so hard. What if he shoots me down?”

“Then you’ll know, and you’ll be happy you asked before things had a chance to progress further and for you to get attached.”

“This sucks.”

“But it’s not going to go away if you just hide in here drinking coffee instead of going out to meet him. And you’re going to be late if you stay here any longer.”

I glanced up at the clock over my shoulder—a kitschy cuckoo clock that Charlotte had given me when she’d gotten an even tackier one for the Flamingo—and realized Brooklyn was right. I still didn’t know what to say, but if I didn’t run to meet Mark now, he’d think thatIwas the one avoidinghim.

I said goodbye to Brooklyn and hurried out the door, launching into a light jog as I moved down the sidewalk. I was supposed to meet Mark at the edge of campus and I’d cut it too close to walk. As I ran, I tried to figure out what I was going to say, but my mind kept going around in circles.

First, I still couldn’t get over how hot that kiss had been. Feeling Mark’s body on top of me, his lips on mine. Knowing, for the first time, that he might feel even a fraction of the attraction that I felt for him. I’d spent the past week replaying it in my mind and it had definitely featured in my fantasies at night.

I wanted more. More kissing, more Mark. MoreofMark. I blushed as I ran, remembering the way I’d imagined ripping his clothes off, the way I’d pictured him fucking me right there in the park. It didn’t make sense that someone as hot as Mark would be attracted to me, but he had to be, right? Why else would he have kissed me? Because he’d definitely started it.

But he’d also ended it.

---