Page 60 of New Year's Faye

"Did everyone know?" The words came out sharper than intended. "Was I the only one who didn't see it?"

"To be fair, you were a bit busy trying to control everything else."

"I don't—" I caught his knowing look. "Fine. Maybe I do. But that's my job. To manage things. To keep everything running smoothly."

"And how's that working out for your heart?"

I dropped my head to the counter with a groan. "When did you get so annoyingly insightful?"

"Probably around the time I stopped trying to control everything and admitted I was in love with my best friend." He set a mug of tea in front of me. "Sound familiar?"

"It's not the same."

"No?" He pulled out the chair beside me. "Let's see years of friendship, fear of ruining what you have, one person quietly pining while the other remains oblivious..."

“You then broke up. For years.”

“I was a fool.” He waggled a finger at me. “Which means you should learn from my mistakes.”

"I hate you."

"You love me." He nudged my shoulder. "Just like you love Sam."

The word made my chest tight. "I can't."

"Why not? You married him."

I flushed, turning away. “That might have been a drunken mistake.”

“No kidding? The unicorn celebrant certainly didn’t tip me off.” He rolled his eyes. “Go on, tell me why it’s impossible to have fallen in love with a guy who acts like you hung the moon.”

"Because..." I sat up, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. "Because if I admit that, if I let myself feel that, then everything changes. The band dynamic, our professional relationship, everything we've built... it all becomes complicated."

"News flash, sis. You're already married to him."

"That's different. That's..." I waved a hand. "Manageable. This is..."

"Real?"

"Terrifying."

Trent was quiet for a moment, studying me. "You know what scared me most about loving Ryan?"

"What?"

"That I couldn't control his response. I could plan the perfect moment, say the perfect words, but in the end, I couldn't control whether he loved me back." He smiled softly. "Turns out, I didn't need to. The messy, unplanned reality was better than anything I could have orchestrated."

"But what if it goes wrong?" My voice cracked. "What if I lose him completely?"

"What if you don't?" He gestured to the notebook. "From what I can see, that boy's been loving you steadily for years. Through crazy schedules and professional crises and everything else. Maybe it's time to stop managing and start feeling."

"I don't know how."

"Yes, you do." He squeezed my hand. "You just have to be brave enough to try."

I took a sip of my mug, mulling over his words.

I loved Sam. There wasn’t any doubt of that. But what really concerned me, what threw up the barrier between me loving and me wanting to be loved was exactly what Trent had identified.

---