Page 9 of In a Pinch

Stretching my neck from side to side, I log in. Why do I feel so freaking nervous?

Probably because my dumbass chose this to be my deciding factor on moving. Ugh, I hate myself sometimes.

I half squint my eyes, not wanting to look at what my gut is already telling me. Yup, I knew before I even opened the stupid thing that there would be no responses. Damn. Two whole weeks, and not a damn click on my profile. My head falls to my laptop with athunk, and I lie there in my misery. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic.

When in doubt, call Mom. That’s what I should do.

I grab my phone and shake off the remaining rice grains. It probably didn't need that since phones are pretty much waterproof these days, but being jobless, I can’t swing a new phone. No need to risk it for the biscuit.

Her contact photo pulls up and I already feel a little better.

“Hi, honey. What are you up to?”

“I need motherly advice. And I need to tell you a couple of recent life… changes if you will.”

“Well, way to start this conversation off with a heap of anxiety. Go on,” she says.

All my next words come out in a rush. “Well, first things first, I was fired. Well, they called it being ‘laid off.’ Personally, I am calling bullshit.” I hear her humph on the other side. She hatesit when I curse, but, a few curse words just add a little spice. “I have had no luck on the job hunting side, except for one offer.”

“Well, was it a good one?”

“It’s a fifteen-thousand dollar raise, with added benefits and time off. So, yes.”

“Um, honey, I know I can be a little obtuse at times, but I am wondering why you sound like you're on the edge of a meltdown? That’s a fantastic job offer. Assuming, the job office isn’t awful, I would say you are crazy to pass it up.” Her logic isn’t wrong.

“I didn’t tell you the downside yet. It’s in Maine. Isla’s brother-in-law offered it to me. He owns the office and is a partner there. So, I would assume it’s a good environment. But that is so far away. And my whole life is here.” Not that I have much of a life here besides my family. I haven’t gone out as much since Isla left. Which, until now, hasn’t bothered me. Slowing down has felt kind of nice.

“What does your gut tell you?”

My mom has always taught us kids to trust our intuition. If someone is giving you the ick, trust it. If something is calling to you, answer. Then, figure the rest out later. I love that about her. Personally, I am much more analytical like my dad. So, I struggle with the concept. But every time I’ve leaned into it, it hasn’t led me wrong. I’m great at telling other people to follow their hearts, but actually listening to my own? Well, I tend to hit ignore when it calls.

“Ugh, I don’t know. What would you do?”

“I think you know. And at your age? I’d go. You’re young; you’ve got plenty of time to make mistakes and smooth them over. You are my most fearless of all my kids. Why is this one scaring you?”

Oof. That question hits right at my sore spot. If I’m being honest with myself, this is probably the conversation I really needed to have with my mom. The job is only part of my issue.

“It feels like I am completely out of control when it comes to my own life. Oh, and my roomie asked me to move out, so she and her boyfriend can live here. Together. Without me, obviously.” Great, now I’m rambling. I really need to get my poop in a group.

Mom’s laugh on the other end of the phone settles my grated nerves. “Honey, it is your life. You are always in control, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You were just…a little redirected by life, and that's okay. Take the turn suggested, and see where it goes.”

“You’re my mom, aren’t you supposed to talk me out of moving far away from you?”

“There is nowhere you can go that I will not find you, sweet girl. While we’re on the subject of honesty, it’s not like you come to visit that much, anyways. And it’s okay. You’re busy living your life. You all not being needy vultures means your dad and I did something right.”

I laugh, but my little brother is absolutely still a needy vulture. She is in denial because he is her baby. But I keep that to myself; it's more fun talking shit about my brother to my brother. He knows I adore him, it's just fun to tease him. It builds character around all the babying he gets from Mom.

“So, what I’m hearing is, you’re giving me your blessing to move far away and start a new life without you.” Maybe if I word it this way, she will say no.

“Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Go off and spread your wings.”

Well, shit. Looks like I need to call Isla…and some movers.

“Okay. Well then, you’re going to have to come over every day and help me pack up my shit.”

“Language. And that’s fine. It’s not like you have that much stuff, anyways. Isn’t most of it Kelly’s?”

“Yes, it will probably just be my bedroom stuff. I will just sell the furniture that’s mine to Kelly if she wants it. The rest can just be shoved in the Bronco.” Just thinking about driving my baby that far hurts; that's too many miles for her old soul. My dad and I rebuilt the engine and upgraded the interior, so she's practically new, but still. I am going to have to sell my left kidney to put enough gas in her to get across the country.

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