Page 148 of Mark

“Babe, you just said his sister is biologically his aunt. I’m pretty sure if anyone can deal with it, it’s Mark,” Summer comments.

“That’s a bit different. It’s bad enough he had to witness my entire family ghost and belittle me the entire time. I mean, come on, that’s a red flag right there if your own family doesn’t like you.”

“I love you,” Mum whispers. The pain in her eyes has me looking away. I can’t deal with her guilt or pity. “I may not show it, but I love you. That will never change. And I am deeply sorry for ever making you feel like I don’t. I haven’t been fair to you, and I see that now. I can’t promise to be perfect, but I do promise to keep trying. I love you, Freya, and I hate how we’ve made you feel. How I’ve made you feel.”

“Darn tootins,” Nanna remarks before turning to me. “Honey, from what I’ve learnt from that family, they don’t judge. They understand that sometimes a person is perfectly imperfect. And it’s okay to be imperfect.”

I know what they are doing. I love them for it, but it doesn’t make me feel any less embarrassed or ashamed. I’m ashamed I let my sister win. I’m ashamed he had to see just how much I cared for him. I’m ashamed I let myself down. And I’m embarrassed over my sister and how much I let her get to me.

God, what have I done?

I may have just lost the best thing to have happened to me in a long time.

“I don’t know if I can face him. I really don’t. I messed up and left him to deal with the consequences.”

“Babe, you literally thought he did the naughty with your sister. Your actions are justified.”

They don’t understand. How can they? Neither knows what it feels like to be humiliated by their sibling in that way.

“Can we please not mention her in my home,” I plead. “And before you stand up for her, Mum, I don’t want to hear it. I understand she’s your daughter, and I know this must be animpossible situation for you to be in, but right now, this isn’t about her or how she’s feeling. It’s about me.”

Mum gets to her feet and drops down to her knees on the carpet. I tense at the move, unsure of what to feel. My mum always maintains her dignity and strength. The only time she’ll ever be caught on the floor like this is if she is cleaning a stain from the carpet.

Summer must feel the same as me, and since she hates being in awkward situations, she gets up, leaving me to face whatever this is.

“I know what you heard in the bathroom. And, sweetie, I know I’ve given you no reason to believe me with the way I have acted towards you, but those words did not come out of my mouth. I won’t deny the conversation happened because it did. We were having drinks up on the deck. You were brought up, and I told them to change the subject. And I merely said, Freya is happy and enjoying her life. Something else was said, and it was so insignificant I don’t remember what it was, but I do remember saying, Freya doesn’t take much seriously, but she seems serious about this boy, and that I hoped you would still be in contact once the holiday was over. I have already had words with your cousin.”

“You really expect me to believe that?” I question.

“My love, I might have said some things to make you think otherwise, but I promise, you can trust me when I say I did not say those things. I’ve always wanted the best for you, and there was a time when I thought you didn’t take anything seriously. You wanted to be a nurse but ended up a teacher. You begged us to join that football club as a teenager, but a week into it, you got bored. But I’ve come to realise a few things about you during this getaway, and that is, you aren’t indecisive. You do know what you want. You didn’t settle for what you thought you should be doing and instead settled for something you love. Itjust took the holiday for me to see that. This home is more proof of that. I thought you would be living with piles of dirty washing and unclean floors and sides. I thought you weren’t ready. But you were, and it was I who was holding you back. I should have listened to you when you told me you were over Danny, but all I could think about was you crying in my arms the night you broke up. That is my fault.”

“I believe you,” I whisper.

She takes my hands in hers. “I am very proud of you, especially with how you handled everything. As for your sister…”

“I really don’t want to talk about her,” I interrupt, removing my hands from hers.

“Then just listen. I have spoken with your sister, and I have seen a side to her I am not very fond of or proud of. Seeing she wasn’t going to back down made your father and I come to a very difficult decision. We will no longer be supporting her financially and have asked her to move in with Danny until they can find a home of their own.”

“Technically, that wasn’t your first decision,” Nanna interrupts. “She asked her to leave Danny to begin with.”

“Mum, I’ve spent years blaming Danny for everything. For all the cruel remarks, the whispers behind my back or when I walked into a room. I even blamed him for every messed-up, shitty thing Esther spewed at me. But I realised that day, he was just a part of the problem. Everything Esther did, she did on her own accord. I don’t think cutting her off or asking her to move out is going to fix what she has done, Mum.”

“I am hoping it will open her eyes. She is your sister.”

“Which doesn’t give her the green light to treat me like shit,” I snap. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to talk about her. She’s dead to me. I want nothing to do with her.”

“Me and your father will support your decision but it will make Christmas and birthdays a little awkward.”

“You’ll support me? Just like that? No, she’s your sister, it will blow over, crap?”

“Language, and yes, just like that.”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“So, about the boy... Are you going to go over to hear him out?” Nanna asks.

“Stop rushing her,” Mum fumes.

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