Page 141 of Mark

There’s a storm brewing in the distance, rumbling just like the feelings brewing inside of me.

I let out a dry laugh, scrubbing my hands down my face. All the women I’ve had in my life, but it’s this one who has me trapped in my own mind. Who has brought out emotions I didn’t think I was capable of. She has me tied up in knots.

All the teasing I gave other family members about being pussy-whipped has slapped me back in the face. Because here I am, ready to knock on every door on this cruise, hoping she’s the one behind it.

“Fuck, what’s happening to me?” I whisper.

When I’ve made a mistake in the past, I’ve never wallowed in it. I’ve moved on, learnt from it, or grown up because of it. This one feels like I’m stuck in a time loop, changing the sequence of events so I don’t end up outside my room alone or invite Esther in.

“You’re growing up,” Dad answers, startling me.

I spin around. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be out exploring.”

“Me and your mum thought we’d stay around and wait for you to come out of your room.”

“I slept in,” I admit, my shoulders dropping. “I can’t believe I let this happen. Dad, I don’t know how to make this right.”

“Be honest with her. You did nothing wrong, son,” he states, leaning his forearms on the bars, glancing out at sea.

I turn around, doing the same. “Then why do I feel like I have? Why does it ache inside when I think of how hurt she must have been? I know it wasn’t what she saw, but she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know how fucked up her sister is, and honestly, she hasn’t known me long enough to know I’d never do something so messed up like that. Shit, Dad, I can’t stop playing it over and over in my head, worried about how she’s doing.”

“Son, love isn’t all rainbows and flowers. I mean, you can’t get a rainbow without a little rain. You’ve already got your answer on what to do. She hasn’t known you long enough to know you, so show her. Show her who you are to the core. We can see she is different to you because we’ve watched you grow and move through women. But she’s not seen that. She doesn’tsee she’s the exception, the one who makes all the others before her seem like a past memory.”

My lips part, my eyes widening slightly at the surprise he can read me so easily. Because that is how I’ve been feeling. All of this is out of character for me because life is meant to be lived and I don’t regret living life to the fullest. But now none of it feels like I was living it up… it feels like I was passing through that moment in time.

“How…” I shake my head. “It’s like you knew what I was feeling.”

He laughs before smirking over to me. “Malik felt like he had finally woken up when he met Harlow. Mason…” He sighs like he’s remembering the moment. “Denny turned his life upside down, but it got him to open up his heart and let someone else really in. Myles, he found the missing piece to his heart and soul. Max, he learnt it was okay to love and be loved. And when I met your mother… she made me realise I was good enough, and helped me realise I didn’t need to be everything to everyone. We’ve all been in this position, son. We’ve all made bad decisions or done stupid shit. Hell, Mason ran Denny off because he was scared to admit he loved her. And your uncle Max… Jesus, he loved Lake that much, he made her hate him so she wouldn’t stay for him. He knew how much getting her family back meant to her so he selflessly made the decision for her.”

“I don’t think using Uncle Max as an example was the right thing to do.”

He snorts in agreement. “My point is, when we find that one person who changes the way we see things, how we feel, and turns everything upside down in the best possible way, there is always a way to fix things. Because they are worth the mountain you need to climb to do that.”

He’s right. The part of me that wishes I could give up and move on is coming from the part that is frustrated that I fuckedup. But the other… the other wants to fight for everything we’ve shared and how we felt the past week and a bit.

“And trust me when I tell you, the Carters climb the highest mountains to fix stuff,” Mum replies. Her hand rubs down my back and I lean into her touch. “But as the woman he was climbing it for, I can tell you now, it made me love him more. But what he still fails to see is that he gave me more than I ever gave him. He gave me a family, my four sweet, caring and beautiful children. He gave me love. But most of all, he filled my grey-coloured life with colour. Don’t forget, whatever she has given you, I can guarantee you’ve given it to her. Love is a balance.”

I clear my throat at her admission. “Thank you, Mum.” I step back but grip the bars in front of me. “Any chance you’ve seen Freya or her parents? There’s a mountain I need to climb.”

It’s Mum who is clearing her throat. “You didn’t tell him?”

“Tell me what?” I question.

“I haven’t had chance yet.”

Anxiety about what it is slivers in the pit of my stomach. “Tell me what!”

“Honey, Freya isn’t on the boat,” Mum replies hesitantly.

I relax at her words. “That’s okay, I can wait until she’s back.”

She tilts her head to the side a little and does that sigh I’m so used to when she’s about to tell us something we don’t like. “Mark, you don’t understand. She’s not here.”

“She’s probably exploring and taking her mind off things. I can wait, Mum.”

“Son, what your mum is trying to tell you is that she left the island and isn’t coming back.”

I spin to my Dad. “What do you mean she left and isn’t coming back? When?”

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