Page 43 of Mace

ELEVEN

MAYLIE

I hate leaving Toby alone,but he sets himself up on his console, talking to his friends online. I give him the rundown of the rules while I’m gone then reluctantly leave. He hasn’t burned the house down when I’ve left him other times this week, so I’m sure he’ll be fine, but still, worry spreads through me.

I set a brisk pace to get to work on time, trying to figure out a solution to my problems. I need money fast, and I don’t even know what I need to do for my sister.

As I approach Temptation, there is a little part of me that’s relieved that I can slip into the role I play here. The thought of being someone else, even if it’s only for a few hours, is enough to leach the tension from my shoulders.

Archie is on the door, and he gives me a wide smile that I mirror despite the storm raging inside me.

“Hey, Maylie girl.”

“Hey. You’re looking good, Arch. Have you been working out?”

He smirks. “I work out every damn day. Don’t sit there and pretend you don’t notice the guns.”

He lifts his arms as if he’s a bodybuilder, kissing his bicep. I can’t see how big his muscles are beneath his jacket, but I whistle anyway. “No wonder all the girls fall at your feet.”

As I go to pass him, he stops me. “Hey, you okay?”

No. I’m slowly dying inside.“Yeah, of course.”

His eyes narrow, as if he can see my truth, and I try to hide behind the walls I’ve never needed to construct before. “You sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He can’t answer that, so I take the opportunity to slip by him and into the building.

I head straight to my locker, saying hello to the girls as I pass them. I’m no longer Maylie but whoever the girl is in the bubble gum pink wig.

I manage to hold this for barely thirty seconds. I hate pretending to be okay when I’m not. The swell of self-loathing I feel is overwhelming as I blink back my tears. Crying never solved a damn thing. I know that because I’d spent months crying over my mother, hoping she would survive, but she died anyway.

Blissful numbness spreads through me, shutting down the sharpness of my despair into something more manageable. I’ve never felt so unhinged from my life, from my objectives, as I do at this moment. Nothing is going right, and I can’t fix it.

I strip down to my uniform as the girls move through the room in bras and thongs. Every one of them is going to make a tidy profit tonight, and while I’ll make good tips, it’s not a fraction of the cash they’ll see.

It’s cash I desperately need before Bernie propositions me again or decides to make good on his threat of eviction.

I can’t let Toby lose his home. He’s in a good place right now. He has friends, and he tolerates school, but he gets up and goes every day.

It’s just boobs…

My gaze lowers to my distinctly average chest. Sam never seemed to care that I’m not as big as the other girls. He didn’t even care that I can’t dance. I know exactly why he wanted me on that stage.

It’s not like I have to have sex with anyone or let them touch me, right?

Could I… could I really stand on that stage and take my top off?

It’s just boobs…

If I repeat that enough, I might start to believe it.

The war raging inside me is volatile, but I made my decision before I stepped foot in the building.

I don’t care what it takes, I will keep my family together. If that means getting on that stage and taking my clothes off, then that’s what I’ll do.

I close my locker and secure it before I head into the main room, just as Mace is crossing the floor to take up his usual seat at the bar.

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