Page 4 of Mace

I glance at the clock again and jiggle my leg, trying to avoid the meltdown I feel brewing. This job took months to find, and it pays so much better than any other work I’m qualified to do. At a time when money is already tight, I can’t afford to get fired.

I also like it, which has not been the case with my other jobs. I’ve only worked at Temptation for six months, but it feels longer. I have friends, something I haven’t had since I failed high school, and I genuinely enjoy the people I’m around. The job itself is shitty and the clientele are sometimes awful, but I always have fun there, and that’s not something I experience a lot these days.

“She promises a lot of shit.”

“Don’t swear,” I chastise, even though he’s not wrong.

My little brother rolls his eyes, looking every inch the preteen boy he is. I miss the chubby, smiley kid he was only five minutes ago.

“I’m not wrong, am I?”

He’s not, and that makes it worse. Toby shouldn’t have to worry about Ivy’s mess. That’s my job, even if I’m so tired of making excuses for her behaviour. Ivy’s lies grow daily, leaving a trail of broken vows behind her, and she doesn’t seem to care about anything.

“Toby… come on.”

“Her lies have lies, May,” he mutters, hammering the controller clutched in his hands.

A cacophony of gunfire explodes on the television screen, which I ignore, giving him my full attention. As stressed as I am about being late, this needs addressing. Idon’t want him feeling angry towards Ivy, even if she may deserve it.

“Our sister is… going through stuff.” It’s a lame excuse, and it’s no surprise Toby doesn’t buy it.

He snorts, giving the television his full attention. “Ivy only cares about Ivy. Let’s face it, Maylie, she doesn’t want to be here with us.”

I hate the thread of sadness in his words, and my heart squeezes. The three of us have always been close, and that intensified after we lost Mum. But Toby’s right—Ivy’s only focus is Ivy.

“Of course, she wants to be here.” Am I trying to convince him or myself? Because none of Ivy’s behaviour suggests anything but contempt for our broken family.

He eyeballs me as if I’m crazy. Maybe I am. For months now, our sister has been pulling away from us, and I no longer know how to bridge the gap she’s creating. She keeps so many secrets, and that scares me.

“No, she wants to be with Link.”

Ah, the boyfriend… who Ivy won’t allow me to meet, as if that doesn’t set off a million warning lights in my head. I’ve tried to find out anything I can about him, but Ivy is tight-lipped. I’m starting to think he either doesn’t exist or she knows I’m not going to approve.

I don’t want to offload my fears onto Toby, so I don’t let my concern bleed into my expression, though my insides are churning.

“Well, it’s all new and shiny. She’s in that honeymoon period, Toby. New relationships are exciting.” I say this with authority, even though I’ve never had a boyfriend or been kissed.

I was fifteen when Mum got sick. Ivy was ten, andToby was five—both too little to deal with the torture of watching their parent slowly dying. For three years, I took care of Mum and my siblings while she valiantly fought the cancer that ravaged her body, but in the end, she couldn’t defeat it.

I should have spent months grieving the loss of my mother, but instead, I entered the fight of my life to keep the tattered remains of my family together. I was barely eighteen, had failed all my exams, and I was scrambling to prove to social services that I was responsible enough to take care of us all.

Those first few years after Mum passed were the hardest of my life. Her dying was only the beginning of the nightmare that followed, but despite everything, I don’t have a single regret about my decision to keep my brother and sister with me.

When Ivy’s being difficult, I think back to those nights I lay awake, watching my siblings sleep. I lived on coffee, so terrified that if I closed my eyes, they would be snatched away from me and taken somewhere I couldn’t reach them.

So, I worked my ass off, proving to their social worker that I was a good guardian for them. I worked all the hours I could around their needs. We’d gotten to a good place—or so I thought. Ivy is nearly an adult, ready to be out in the world on her own, and Toby will be thirteen in a few months. I was keeping all the balls in the air without dropping any, but now… I’m not so sure I’m doing a great job of raising them.

Ivy’s spiralling, and I don’t know why or how to fix things. Her behaviour lately is so out of character, it scares me to death. I know she wants her freedom, so I’m tryingto step back and give her that, but her disrespect towards me and Toby is a hard pill to swallow.

I want my sister to find her way in the world. I want her to travel and see everything. I want her to get an education if she wants to. I want her to have her own place and find love.

I want her to have everything I haven’t.

I’ve accepted that I’ll be twenty-eight when Toby’s eighteen, and probably still a virgin. It’s not like I have time to meet anyone—I work all the hours I can, and when I’m not working, I’m taking care of the flat, or stocking the fridge, or helping Toby with homework.

I’m completely undatable, and my future will be surrounded by cats.

“What’s a honeymoon period?” Toby asks, breaking through my morose thoughts.

---