Page 58 of Not My Finest Hour

I nod along because I’m speechless. There’s no way that this is happening right now.

“Can you do that for me? Can we start over?” she asks.

“Yeah, I can definitely handle that.”

ChapterTwenty-Two

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Fern asks me Thursday morning.

She’s puttering around in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for both of us before she heads off to work. She knows this is a big day for me and wanted to do whatever she could to make it go smoothly.

“I’m sure. It’s just a basic appointment to confirm the pregnancy and meet the doctor,” I say, sitting down at the table where she set my plate. Before me is a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich with some cut-up strawberries on the side. “And it’s too soon to see much of anything on the ultrasound.”

“You know, Mom would really love to go along if you want company.”

“I know. But I kinda want to do this alone. I want some time to process this whole thing for myself.”

The truth is, with this being the first ultrasound, it doesn’t feel right to have anyone else there besides Justin. And since we’re not talking at the moment, I guess that’s not going to happen.

“What time is your appointment?” Fern asks.

I look down at my phone for the time. “Shit. It’s in thirty minutes.”

This is not how I wanted this morning to go. I had envisioned walking into the doctor’s office all calm and collected, perfectly relaxed about the ultrasound. But at the rate I’m going, I’ll be lucky to get there on time. Nothing says I’m going to be a responsible parent like being late to your first appointment.

“You’d better hurry up and eat then. Who knows what traffic will be like?” Fern says, starting in on her own plate of food.

“I don’t understand what happened. I even woke up early to give myself extra time to get ready.”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, but talking about it isn’t going to get you out of here any quicker,” she says around a bite.

I shovel down my plate of food and cringe when I have no other choice but to leave my dirty dishes in the sink. “I’m sorry for leaving a mess. Just know that I wanted to help you clean up. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

She waves me off. “Don’t worry about it. Just go.”

I rush back to my bathroom to give my teeth a quick brush. I have no idea if they’re going to be looking in my mouth today, but it seems like a good thing to do in case they need to. From the sofa table, I grab my car keys and right before I’m about to walk out the door, Fern stops me.

“Good luck today. Let me know how it goes,” she says, looking at me intently.

She doesn’t have to say it, but I know what she means. Today, I’ll learn if this pregnancy is a viable one, which has all sorts of fears running through my head, some of which I discussed with her last night. But I’m trying to keep a positive attitude, so I’m doing my best to ignore the nervous butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

“Thanks. I’ll let you know,” I say, closing the door behind me.

It’s drizzling outside this morning which means that traffic will probably be terrible. In a city that’s blanketed by rain most of the time, I don’t understand how we’re not better at driving in it. When it rains, it’s like people completely forget how to drive and go ten miles an hourunderthe speed limit. While this doesn’t seem like a bad thing because safety and all that, it’s terrible for when you need to get somewhere in a timely fashion.

I pull into a parking spot at the doctor’s office with literally a minute to spare. Since I’ve never been here before, it takes me a bit to find the directory and figure out which floor the office is located on. Dr. Lisa Andrus is who I’m meeting today, and she came highly recommended by Kim. I’m a little concerned about going with someone new for this crucial time in my life, but I trust Kim. She wouldn’t recommend someone terrible.

When I step into the office, I’m immersed in a very soothing color palette while classical music plays through the speakers. There’s only one other person in the waiting room besides me, and when I walk by her to get to the front counter, she smiles at me. The woman is very far along in her pregnancy judging by her stomach, but she still looks to be in good spirits, not puffy and miserable like I’d expect.

I check in with the receptionist and hand over my insurance card for her to make a copy of. In return, she hands me a clipboard with a small stack of papers and a pen to fill them out. I choose a seat near the back of the waiting room and sit down, then get to work on filling out the papers.

“What are you in here for?” the pregnant woman asks.

The way she asked, it made it sound like we’re in prison and I’m incarcerated for life. Which, technically, I kind of am since children aren’t a temporary thing.

“I’m here for my first ultrasound.” I look back down at my paperwork, but the woman is still staring in my direction. It’s like she has something else she needs to say, but will only say it if asked. So I play along. “What about you? Why are you here today?”

“I’m due any day now. My cervix has been dilated for two weeks, but this one doesn’t want to come out yet.”

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