Page 31 of Dire Straights

“You don’t have to apologize,” I said. “I can kind of understand, but just… If you feel freaked out like that again, just talk to me about it.”

“Look,” he said. “I don’t really like talking about my feelings or whatever.”

“I’ve kind of caught onto that, yeah. But, you know, if you try it then maybe you’ll like it.”

“You sound like my mom trying to get me to eat my vegetables.”

“I definitely don’t want you to think of me as mom-like in any way, shape, or form,” I said, and he laughed.

“Yeah, after last week that would be pretty sick.”

I paused, unsure if I should say anything about what had happened. He’d said he didn’t want to talk about it but I could tell just from his body language and everything that he still wasn’t altogether comfortable.

“But, um, Maddy…”

“Yeah?”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it but what happened is, like, fully not a big deal and you shouldn’t worry about it at all. And it’s probably really common and happens to a lot of guys. And plus, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean, honestly, I… I kind of liked it. I mean, I really liked it. I kind of haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. And so, yeah, you shouldn’t feel weird about it. It was really hot and, uh, yeah. So just don’t worry. And I totally would have too, if we’d kept going.”

“Are you done?” He asked flatly. His skin had become pinker and pinker as I’d rambled, and he was now covered in a rosy flush.

“I think so.”

“You’re really bad at not talking about things.”

“And you’re really bad at talking about things,” I said. “But that’s good. It means we complement each other.”

He stood up, walking a few steps away to stare at me from across the room, his arms folded across his chest.

“Look. That only happened because I haven’t done anything with anybody in forever and I’m just totally on edge all the time. I’m not some… Nympho freak or whatever, okay?”

“Okay.” Not that I would have minded or anything.

“Okay,” he repeated. He looked so adorably embarrassed, really all I could think about was kissing him again. But I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be down for that just yet. “So don’t expect it to happen again.”

“The kissing, or the other thing?”

“The other thing,” he said, practically gritting his teeth. “I didn’t say anything about not kissing again.”

“So you do want to kiss again?”

“Do you have to make me say everything?” He complained, averting his eyes from mine.

“I just wanted to be sure. I didn’t want to try anything if you were really opposed to the idea.”

“You were planning on trying something?”

“Well… Yeah. Kissing you isn’t like kissing anyone else, Maddy. I really, really like it.”

“What’s different about it?” He wondered, looking at me suspiciously as he flopped down into his desk chair, swiveling it around to face me.

“I don’t know, I just like the way you react to everything. It makes me feel like I’m doing it right, so I don’t have to worry. I can just relax.”

“It doesn’t makemerelaxed,” he said wryly. But it felt like most of the tension between us was gone.

“Yeah, I know. I like that part, too.”

We stared at each other for a bit, just letting the silence settle around us. I didn’t mind, because looking at him was definitely not a chore. Finally, he spoke again, this time quietly.

---