Page 17 of Dire Straights

Confused by the sudden tonal shift, I blinked. “Um, yeah. It’s fine.”

“It is not fine,” he insisted. “Stand up for yourself.” When I only nodded, he frowned. “I mean now. Stand up for yourself now.”

“Oh.” I thought for a moment, but my mind was still a bit fuzzy from staring into his eyes for so long. “Um…”

“Tell me I’m an asshole, and that if I do it again you’re not going to put up with it,” he ordered. I hoped he was joking and would eventually say just kidding, but he just kept waiting.

Clearing my throat, I mustered up all my energy. “You’re an asshole.”

“And?” He prompted, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, I don’t really think that,” I said, instantly contrite. I really didn’t think he was, anyway.

He heaved a sigh. “But I’d really mentally prepared to grovel, and you’re sort of ruining all that.”

“Grovel?” I repeated. Okay, maybe that did sound kind of nice. I’d never been groveled to before. A ridiculous image of Maddox worshiping at my feet as I lounged on a golden throne popped into my head before I shooed it away. Maybe not that much groveling.

“Look, if you’re not going to make me beg for your forgiveness, then let me make it up to you another way. Just so I can stop feeling like such a scumbag.”

“What were you thinking?” I asked, but I would have agreed to anything. So much for standing up for myself.

“You said you wanted to check out the boardwalk, right? So, let’s go. I’ll buy you some cotton candy or something.”

My innocent idea of the two of us checking out the boardwalk suddenly felt as though it held an entirely different connotation. I wanted to say yes, but I wasn’t sure if Maddox was ready for something like that. He’d already flipped out once over a study session. Buying me cotton candy and going on rides together and stuff was way more like a date than that.

“Um, are you sure?” I asked, as gently as I possibly could. I didn’t want to be condescending, but I also didn’t want to get yelled at again for being gay and trying to convert him. “I don’t want you to feel like…” I didn’t finish, but we both knew what I meant.

He shook his head quickly. “Yeah, just forget all that. I seriously didn’t mean it. I…” He paused, sucking in a deep breath, before glancing up at the ceiling. “Like hanging out with you. Or whatever. So just say yes.”

“Really?” The word tumbled out of my mouth without me thinking about it. “You do?”

He looked slightly flustered to have to confirm or deny, but even the mild embarrassment looked so good on his handsome face. He grinned a little, the corner of his mouth perking up just the slightest bit. But before he could say anything, our professor cleared her throat.

“Class has started, gentlemen. Any personal discussion will need to be conducted outside of this room.”

So we shut up and listened to her lecture about writing composition. I regretted sitting in the front now, as I was sure we could have gotten away with talking quietly if we hadn’t been directly in front of her. It was okay, I could handle an hour without communicating with Maddox. Mostly I was just worried he’d change his mind about liking to hang out with me.

I really had no interest in writing, creative or otherwise, so I was pretty sure under normal circumstances a lecture like thiswould have put me to sleep. But I couldn’t stop glancing over to look at him in my peripheral vision.

Anxiety curled in my stomach. What if he noticed me looking and got upset? I understood now the reason why my crush had exploded when he’d gotten upset and yelled at me in the restaurant. It was because until that moment I’d never have believed he could have any feelings toward me. But knowing there was a chance, even a tiny one, that he could be struggling with the same attraction that I was… It was too amazing to ignore.

When class was over, he stood from his chair and leaned his hip onto the side of my desk, staring down at me. “So? When are you free?”

“Um, anytime I’m not in class, I guess,” I said. It wasn’t exactly true, but it was mostly true. Plus I wasn’t going to pretend that I wouldn’t have been willing to push most things aside to go out on the boardwalk with Maddox. Even if he was maybe going to possibly have another meltdown about his probable bisexuality.

“What about today?” He pushed.

“Okay!” I agreed instantly. I kept forgetting about that part where coming on too strong or too enthusiastically creeped people out sometimes. Gwen used to nag me about that a lot, how I always ended up seeming desperate because I never acted chill about anything.

Maddox grinned a little at my exclamation. “Cool.” It didn’t seem like it bothered him, at least. And I was completely certain that Maddox fit Gwen’s picture of an ideal guy perfectly. So if he didn’t have a problem with it, then maybe I didn’t need to worry so much.

I briefly thought about the conversation I’d finally had with Kelani the night before when she’d been hanging out with Arie. When I’d asked if she had an issue with Maddox, she’d told methat one of the first things she’d been warned about from other girls was to stay away from guys on the swim team.

I wasn’t really sure what to think of that, but I was pretty sure Maddox wasn’t like the other guys on the team. When I expressed that to her, she told me to be careful, just in case, that he might not be as nice as he seemed. It was a little late for me to be careful since I’d pretty much already developed an embarrassing crush on him. I didn’t mention that part to her, though.

We both had other classes after creative writing, so we decided to meet at the front of the school at 4:00 when we were both finished for the day, and walk over. When I got to the front, I saw he was already there waiting for me. He was absorbed in something on his phone, so he didn’t notice I’d walked up. The sun was shining from somewhere behind him, washing over his lightly tanned skin, making a kind of halo around his dark hair.

It was just starting to cool off for September, but it wasn’t cold enough to need a jacket yet. It was a strange and random thought, but I wondered if he had a varsity jacket. Feeling embarrassed and just a little bit shallow for being kind of excited by the idea, I cleared my throat. He glanced up from his phone, shoving it in his pocket when he saw me.

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