Page 66 of Someone to Watch Over Me

“Over the last few years since Jim died, I’ve delved pretty deeply into grief and how it works and how to manage it. I’ve learned so much from people who’ve been at it longer than me and have suffered greater losses than I have.”

“Every loss is a great loss.”

“True, but my friend Gage lost his wife and twin daughters to a drunk driver.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, he’s like our Yoda. We look at him and think, if he can do it, so can we, you know?”

“I can’t imagine surviving a loss like that.”

“Neither could he until he had no choice. He posts daily thoughts on grief on Instagram, and it’s required reading for most of us.”

“I’d love to check that out.”

“I’ll send you a link. What I really want to say is that by not talking about it, you’re possibly making your journey harder than it needs to be. There are so many people out there who’d totally relate to what you and your sisters have gone through with your mom—and with losing your dad so young. I’m not saying you have to seek out strangers, but talking about it helps to make it a healthier experience, if that makes sense.”

“It does.”

“But?”

“No buts. It’s just that talking about them and what happened to them is so painful.”

“I know, but that’s kind of the point. Giving life to the pain helps to lessen it.”

“Does it really?”

“It does. Before I joined the Wild Widows, I was so deeply mired in the loss of Jim, the devastation, the injustice of it all. I couldn’t see a way out. I hated talking about him and his illness and everything we’d endured for four horribly difficult years. I’d basically locked it all away inside, and I’ve come to see that was killing me. They’ve shown me how important it is to talk about it with people who understand what you’re going through and how light can be found, even in the deepest darkness.”

“That’s really profound.”

“It took me a while to believe it could work, but I’ve seen it change people’s lives. My friend Wynter was twenty when she lost her husband to bone cancer. They’d been married for four days when he died, but together for years. She was the angriest, most bitter person you’d ever want to meet when her mom first insisted she attend our meetings. She didn’t want to be there and didn’t even try to hide that from us. But we stuck with her—and she stuck with us—and now she’s a totally different person than who she was then, even if her heart is still as broken as it ever was over the loss of her Jaden.”

“They were so young.”

“I know. She’s a trouper, though, and seriously one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. At first, I honestly thought I wasn’t going to like her because she was such a pain in the ass. Now she’s one of my favorite people ever. The night of your incident, I was coming home from visiting her in the hospital after she gave birth to her daughter with Jaden.”

“Oh wow.”

“She found out a year after he died that he’d banked sperm before his cancer treatments. He didn’t tell anyone about it. His parents found the paperwork in his things.”

“That must’ve been one hell of a surprise.”

“Totally. She was shocked and immediately intrigued by the possibility of having his child. At the same time, she was caring for our widower friend Adrian’s young son, Xavier. His wife died right after she gave birth to Xavier. Now Wynter and Adrian are together and raising each other’s children as a family.”

“That’s amazing. I’m so happy for them. They were part of your moving crew, right?”

“They were all there that day. They’re the best friends I’ve ever had, and I think each of them would say the same. We love our other friends, but our widow friends… They’re the ones who put us back together, you know?”

“I can see that. I’m so glad you have each other.”

“So am I. I can’t imagine where I’d be without them and their courage or optimism. You can’t be around them for long without being inspired by their stories.”

“Before I connected with you, I never once gave a thought to the young-widow experience.”

“Why would you? Most people are lucky to not know any young widows.”

“One of my college friends lost his wife a few years ago to breast cancer. They had two little kids.”

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