I roll my eyes at him.

“By the way, the pajamas are adorable.”

I have to think for a second about which ones I’m wearing. Ah, right, the ones with the calico cats on them that Jim gave me years ago for Christmas because they reminded him of the cat we had to rehome when we moved in with my parents. We couldn’t risk him falling over her, which was another heartbreak in a series of them.

“What just made you sad?”

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“I can’t sleep when Lexi Nelson is sad.”

I love the way he uses my full name. “Jim bought me these pajamas because we had a cat who looked like the ones on the print.”

“That’s a sweet memory. Did it make you sad to think of it?”

“No, it made me sad to remember how we had to rehome our cat because we were afraid he might trip over her because she loved to be underfoot.”

“Aw, Lex, I’m sorry. That must’ve been so hard.”

“She was the first pet either of us ever had that was entirely ours, so it was heartbreaking to let her go. Luckily, she went to our friends, who brought her to visit us as often as they could. But it wasn’t the same.”

I haven’t thought about Lola in a long time, and recalling the moment when I knew she had to go is as searing today as it was then.

“What was her name?”

“Lola.”

“Is she still alive?”

“She died a year to the day after Jim did.”

“Ugh, that’s rough, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.” I look over at him. “Grief is such a bitch sometimes. Here we are having this perfectly awesome day, and you made a perfectly innocuous comment about my pajamas, and it brings back a whole bunch of stuff that still hurts.”

He reaches across the bed to me.

I meet him halfway, and he links our fingers. I appreciate that he offers comfort rather than platitudes or any of the dumb shit people say to grieving people that makes us want to smack them.

“If I could have my way, nothing would ever hurt you again for the rest of your life.”

“That’s a very sweet goal.”

“I’ll do everything within my power to make it happen.”

12

Wynter

I can’t stop staring at my daughter’s perfect face.

I have adaughter. And she looks exactly like her daddy. At first, that was a huge shock. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that was possible. It was just hard to believe how much she resembles Jaden. His mother and I have talked about it a few times, how it’s both the most amazing thing and the most difficult at the same time.

That’s grief for you, always an asshole even at the best of times.

To look at my sweet Willow, you’d never know my DNA was included with his. My mother said she’s him all over again.

Adrian comes into the nursery that we lovingly put together for her in what used to be the spare bedroom at his house. He’s wearing only the formfitting boxer briefs that still make my mouth water with desire for him long after I first saw him wearing only them.