Page 46 of Someone to Watch Over Me

Not sure how I’ll ever sleep with all these thoughts running around in my head. My heart is beating so fast, I worry that I might be having my own cardiac incident.

Now that I know how he feels about me, it’s harder to deny that underneath the friendship, something else has been simmering, waiting for me to be ready for it.

I think about Roni falling for Derek not that long after her husband was killed. She was nowhere near ready for him and held him off until she was, while he stood by her side as she prepared to welcome her late husband’s baby. They’re another example of two people who’ve been through the worst and found a new life with each other.

Iris and Gage, Adrian and Wynter… All around me are examples of people who had every good reason to stay hidden behind the cloak of their grief. But in every case, they chose to live again rather than hide from the pain.

I want to be courageous like them.

I like what Iris said about Gage choosing to spend whatever time they have left with her, even knowing there’s a chance he could lose her prematurely.

Even if Tom had never had a heart attack, there’s no end to the list of things that could befall him on any given day. Oddly enough, that thought brings me a measure of comfort.

If I’ve learned anything from Jim’s illness and death, it’s that living life to the fullest means managing the pain of loss. There’s no escaping it. I like the saying I learned from my widow friends that life is a fatal illness, because none of us is getting out of here alive.

I take a deep breath and release it slowly, comforted by the reminder that we’re all going to die eventually. Some of us will get much less time than others, which will never seem fair or just, but there’s nothing we can do about that other than appreciate each day for the gift that it is.

As I turn on my side and try to find a comfortable position, I close my eyes and hope for sleep, so I won’t be a wreck tomorrow. While sleep remains elusive, all I can think about are the things Tom said to me. I hear the words in his voice, and I smile.

Life doesn’t come with guarantees. I know that all too well. But I want the same thing he does, and as soon as the time is right and he’s feeling better, I’ll tell him so.

Tomand I spend the entire weekend together. We laze around watching movies and relaxing after the stressful week. We don’t talk any more about serious stuff for now, and I get the sense that he’s processing it all, the same way I am. I have no doubt we’ll discuss it again when we’re ready to.

Cora and her family are in and out between soccer games on Saturday, and Lydia and Rick come by on Sunday morning for a last visit before they return home to Minnesota.

They bring fresh berries and bagels with cream cheese for breakfast.

The four of us sit around Tom’s dining room table for an hour, chatting about everything other than what brought them to town before they get up to leave for their noon flight out of Dulles.

Lydia hugs Tom for a long time, and when she pulls back, she has tears in her eyes. “Don’t do that to me again, you hear me?”

“I hear you.”

“Thanks for saving his life, Lexi,” Lydia says when she hugs me.

“Happy to help.”

Tom gives me a sweet smile when I say that.

He shakes hands with Rick, promises to talk to them soon and then waves them off when they leave in their rental car.

“Phew.” Tom comes slowly up the stairs to the living room, where I’ve settled with a fresh cup of coffee. “That’s one less supervisor to put up with around here.”

“She loves her baby brother.”

“And I love her, but she’s a lot.” He settles in the recliner and turns to face me. “Not that I blame her for that. She had to step up to help with me when our dad died, so it became almost second nature for her to mother me.”

“It’s very sweet how much they care about you.”

“It is. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very thankful for both of them, but I’m also fiercely independent, so having them hovering over me for days has been stressful.”

“I get that. You just want things to return to normal.”

“Yes, that’s it exactly, and I want them to leave us alone so we can hang out without them in the middle of it.”

My face heats when his meaning registers. He wants to be alone with me, without fear of his sisters popping in. “What do you think is going to happen, tiger? You’re only a few days removed from a heart attack and stent procedure.”

He flexes his considerable biceps. “I’m feeling stronger every day.”

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