“Yes. I’m on my way. Ask them what they think is wrong.”
I ask the question for her.
“We aren’t qualified to make a diagnosis.”
Cora gasps. “Is he… He’s not… I mean, he isn’t dead, is he?”
“He had a pulse when I checked it. It was faint, but I felt it.”
“Oh, good. I just talked to him an hour ago. He…” Her voice breaks. “He can’t leave me. He just can’t.”
It occurs to me that if I hadn’t accepted his offer of a place to live when I needed the change of scenery so badly, he might’ve died on that floor without anyone due home to find him there.
“I’ll let you know if there’re any updates.”
“Thank you, Lexi. Thank you so much for calling.”
As I grasp his phone, I watch the paramedics working frantically to save his life. I’m right back to that last night at home with Jim, when I had to tell the EMTsnotto take any extraordinary measures to save him, when that was the last thing I wanted to say. I wasn’t ready to let him go, even if his suffering had become unbearable.
I’d never have let him go if it’d been up to me.
Fortunately, he’d made the decision for both of us, and when the time came, I respected his choice to end the battle that’d been lost before it ever started. Not that we’d known that at the beginning, when we’d been so determined to beat a foe that couldn’t be defeated no matter what we did.
“Ma’am?”
I realize the paramedic has been speaking to me.
“Would you like to ride with him?”
No, no, I would not like that. I’m terrified of what I might witness.But I can’t let him go alone, can I? No, you can’t.
“Yes, I would. Thank you.”
I grab my purse and jacket and tuck his phone into my purse after making sure mine is there, too.
The paramedics carry the stretcher down the stairs to the front door and out into the yard. As I close and lock the front door, I can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever come back to the home he built himself and loves so much.
When I glance at my watch, I’m surprised that only fifteen minutes have passed since I got home from another hospital. I went to see Wynter and Adrian’s baby. Being in a hospital again was all but unbearable, even if it was one I hadn’t been to before. The sights, the sounds, the smells make them all the same to me.
Wynter and Adrian are so thrilled with their baby girl, Willow, and I survived the trauma of walking into a hospital. I accepted a long time ago that it’ll always be difficult for me to go anywhere medical, but showing up for the people I love is important enough to push aside my distress to be there for those who’ve been there for me.
Tom has been there for me.
More than some of the people I’ve known all my life.
As I climb into the back of the ambulance, I hope I can be there for him the same way he’s been for me.
The speed with which the ambulance travels, the frantic way the paramedic continues to work on him… My anxiety spikes to levels reminiscent of Jim’s final week. If I’d lived the whole rest of my life without ever again experiencing that kind of fear, that would have been fine with me.
I pull out my phone and draft a text to Iris, feeling as if I’m typing with fingers that belong to someone else.
Came home to find Tom collapsed on the floor. On the way now with him to Inova Fairfax.
After I send the message, I make the mistake of looking at him. His face has taken on a grayish tone, and if I hadn’t felt his pulse with my own fingers, I’d assume he’s dead.
“Is he…” I’m afraid to ask.
“Alive but critical.”