Page 17 of Someone to Watch Over Me

“No, I’m okay. Just sore. They got to my heart through an artery in my leg, so that’s not feeling too great today.”

“Did they say what happens next?” I’m accustomed to coordinating with doctors, being one step ahead of whatever Jim would need after a hospitalization, figuring out home care and other details. I lived in a constant state of hyperawareness that depleted my reserves long before he died.

“Not yet, but probably cardiac rehab and a drastic lifestyle change. That’s what my dad’s brother had to do after he survived a similar event.”

“Wow, the faulty cardiac gene runs hot in your family.”

“So hot. Two of my dad’s other brothers died young from widow-maker heart attacks, and one of his sisters had bypass surgery.”

I process this new information with a growing sense of alarm and dread, which he immediately senses.

“Ah, shit. I never should’ve told you that.”

No, you really shouldn’t have.

“Lex, look at me.”

I force myself to meet his gaze while telling myself how incredibly kind he’s been to me. Don’t I owe him the same in return?

“I’m fine. I’m going to be fine. I got very lucky, thanks to you, and I’m going to make some big changes to make sure I stay healthy. There’s nothing to worry about.”

I swallow the huge lump that’s got my throat nearly blocked. I want to turn and run from him and his faulty heart, except he’s holding my hand, so I can’t go anywhere.

“Lexi.”

“Yes?”

“I can see that you’re panicking, and I totally get it. After everything you’ve been through, why would you want to hang out with someone who might drop dead at any second? All I can tell you is I’m going to do everything I can to live for a good long time, and I want to spend as much of that time with you as I possibly can.”

That’s the first time he’s ever confirmed what I’ve long suspected—he has feelings for me that go beyond that of friendly roommates.

I know I should say something, but my brain has gone blank.

“This is a lot. I know it is, and it’s not at all fair for me to tell you that when I’m lying in a hospital bed after getting a stent in a blocked artery. But it’s the truth, and if this incident has shown me anything, it’s that I need to tell the people I care about how I feel, and you’re at the top of my list of those who need to hear the truth.”

I recall how I discovered my name first on his list of favorites last night, which confirms what he’s saying like nothing else ever could.

He pauses, seeming to gather the strength to continue. “This morning, when Cora told me everything that happened… All I could think about was you and that I could’ve died without you knowing…”

I need to ask him what he wants me to know, but that damned lump in my throat makes it impossible for me to say anything.

“I want you to know how much I care about you and how happy I’ve been since you moved in.”

I clear my throat because a statement like that deserves some sort of reply. “Oh. Really?”

His smile lights up his tired eyes. “Yes, really. I love our dinners and our weekend coffee chats. I even enjoy doing yard work when you’re there to help me and keep me entertained. I had no idea how lonely I was in that big old house until you showed up and helped to make it a home.”

I’m so overwhelmed by his words and the emotion behind them that I can barely breathe. I knew he cared. Of course I knew, but I’ve sort of kept that information pushed off to the side for if or when I was ready to deal with it. Am I ready to deal with it now? I have no idea.

“I, um, I care about you, too.”

“That means a lot to me, Lex. And listen, I’m not putting any pressure on you for anything more than what we already have. I respect what you’ve been through since you lost Jim, and I’d never want to take advantage of you in any way.”

“You never would. I know that. It’s just that I’m kind of still…” That damned lump again. My eyes fill, and I look away from him, wishing I could find a way to make it so I could control when tears decide to show up.

“I know, honey. I’m not telling you this because I expect anything from you. It’s just that when you come close to dying and miraculously manage to survive, you want the people in your life to know what they mean to you. And you mean a lot to me.”

Come close to dying…

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