Page 99 of Someone to Watch Over Me

“It is,” Gage says. “You wouldn’t have left because you needed the job, but now you have the chance to find something you feel passionate about.”

“That’s where I need your advice. I’ve been offered a position by the local ALS Association.”

“Oh,” Iris says on a long exhale. “How do you feel about that?”

“On the one hand, it would allow me to make a difference for people who really need what they provide. They were so, so critical to helping us when we needed it the most. The volunteer coordinator oversees support groups and things like getting equipment to patients. I’d also be making sure we have volunteer support for fundraising events. As you know, I’ve volunteered at several of them already, so I have a sense of what’s involved.” They all attended one of the fundraisers last year.

“But, honey,” Roni says gently, “it’s ALS.”

“I know. That’s what my mom said, too. I’m not sure I can handle that kind of daily exposure to the disease that killed my husband. But… I keep thinking of the many ways I could help those who are just starting out on their journey.”

“You’d be an outstanding resource,” Iris says. “That’s not even in question. The only issue is whether it would be good foryouto give to that cause every day.”

“The only way to know,” Gage says, “is to try it. And think of it this way: At least you’d be giving your time to something you care about rather than putting numbers in a spreadsheet that means nothing to you all day.”

I agree. “Anything is better than that.”

“You’re much stronger than you were when we first met you,” Christy says. “You were in such a fog then, emerging from the exhaustion of years of intense caregiving mixed with deep grief. You didn’t have much to say back then. I used to worry more about you than anyone.”

“You did? Really?”

“Oh yeah. You were so fragile. But now… You’re like a butterfly spreading your wings, ready to fly.”

I’m moved to tears by her kind words. “Only thanks to all of you.”

“And yourself, Lex,” Derek says. “You did the hard work.”

“I suppose I have without even realizing it.”

“That’s how it goes,” Iris says. “You move forward because you have no choice, but at some point, you start to spend more time looking ahead than back.”

“You have such a gift for summing it up so perfectly, Iris,” Brielle says.

“I couldn’t agree more,” I add.

“Aw, thanks. I suppose it’s become my thing to wallow in widowhood and help others, even though that was the last thing I saw myself doing when Christy, Taylor and I began this group. When Taylor met her now-husband, she said she couldn’t deal with staying immersed in widowville any longer, but I couldn’t imagine giving this up even after Gage and I got together.”

“Same,” he says with a smile for her. “I keep writing my Instagram posts because I know they’re helping people, even if my first thought every day is no longer about how shitty my life is or how unfair my loss was, even if that’s still true. It helps me to help others, so I’ll keep doing it.”

“You both make great points. Either of you could’ve moved on from this group a while ago and been fine, but you choose to give back in an area that’s caused you hurt in the past. If you can do it, maybe I can, too.”

“You definitelycould, Lex,” Kinsley says. “It’s just a matter of whether youshould.”

I take a second to choose my words and get my emotions under control, which is the one thing that hasn’t gotten easier over the years. “When things first got bad with Jim, the people from the ALS Association swooped in and made us feel less alone with our devastating new reality. I’m still good friends with a couple of the volunteers we saw the most often. They made such a huge difference for us, and the thought of being able to do that for some other family feels meaningful, you know?”

“Absolutely,” Joy says. “Who better to step up for a new caregiver or patient than someone who’s been exactly where they are and knows exactly what they need most? And has a heart of gold to go with the TLC.”

“Totally,” Brielle says. “You’d be great at it, and maybe by giving back at that level, the disease itself will lose some of its power over you. Your experience with it will change to something more positive for yourself, even if it isn’t for the people you work with.”

“Wow, I never thought of it that way before. You guys are the wisest people I’ve ever met. Truly. Thank you for this insight. I think I’ll give the job a whirl and hope for the best.”

“And we’ll keep a close eye on you to make sure it’s not too much for you,” Roni says.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Now for important business,” Iris says with a salacious grin. “What’s happening with Tom Terrific?”

Leave it to Iris to make us all laugh.

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