Page 83 of Someone to Watch Over Me

She grabs a fistful of my hair and lets out a sound that’s pure need.

Christ have mercy. I want her like I’ve never wanted anything in my entire life.

Then her hands are inside my pajama pants, pulling me tighter against her as she chases a release that erupts from her like a sob as she says my name on a long moan.

Hottest thingever.

I continue to move against her, riding the waves of her release but not allowing myself to follow her. I promised I wouldn’t overdo it.

She takes a deep breath and releases it on a shaky-sounding exhale. “Wow.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“You didn’t… I mean, you probably shouldn’t…”

I kiss her. “No worries. You can make it up to me later.”

She laughs. “Are you going to keep a tab?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

Lexi

I’mon edge the entire next day after the sexy interlude in Tom’s bed last night. It’s like I’m coming back to life after a long, cold, lonely winter. His touch sets me on fire, which, of course, I already knew, which is why I told him we shouldn’t get too close in bed. I knew what would happen when I moved closer to him, but I can’t say I regret it.

If only I wasn’t so worried about him having a setback.

He starts cardiac rehab today and is going to drive himself, which I’m not sure I like, but he insisted he’s perfectly fine and ready to get back to normal.

Watching him drive off in his truck reminds me of when Jim insisted on driving long after he shouldn’t have been. It had taken a near miss with a minivan full of kids to get him to finally admit what I and others had known for a while by then—it wasn’t safe for him to drive anymore.

Everything about Tom’s situation is different. Unlike with ALS, where every loss was permanent, Tom is expected to make a full recovery. When he says he feels fine, I have to try to believe him and stop anticipating disaster. Anxiety is preprogrammed into my DNA. I need to keep in mind that this is not the same as it was with Jim, which is easier said than done.

To keep busy while he’s gone, I do a load of laundry for both of us and then get out my laptop to check my email and begin the dreaded job search once again.

I read the email from the HR director at my former company, detailing the same information about severance and benefits that Erika outlined during our meeting. I reply to thank the woman who sent it and then read an email from Nora, the volunteer coordinator at the local ALS chapter. I’ve done some work with the support groups and been involved with several fundraisers. The organization was such a lifeline to us when Jim was sick that I feel like it’s the least I can do to pay back some of the kindness.

Hi, Lexi,

I wanted to let you know that I’ll be leaving the organization at the end of this month to have my first children (twin girls—ack, wish me luck!). I’m reaching out to some of our more engaged volunteers to ascertain whether you’d have any interest in a job with us. We’re actively recruiting for my position as well as several others that have opened up in recent months. Your contributions on both the support group and fundraising sides of the house have been substantial, and your firsthand experience with ALS would make you such a valuable resource to families just receiving this devastating diagnosis.

I read the paragraph twice because I can hardly believe I’m being offered a job right when I lost mine. Is that Jim at work on my behalf once again? I wouldn’t put it past him. However, I’m just not sure I have the emotional bandwidth to immerse myself in an all-ALS-all-the-time life.

Nora acknowledges that possibility in her second paragraph.

I will totally understand if this opportunity is not for you. As someone who’s lived this experience, it may be healthier for you to remain an occasional volunteer rather than a more active participant. Either way, I want you to know how thankful I am for your many contributions and that your story—and your husband’s—is one that will stay with me long after I’ve moved on from this position.

If you’re interested in hearing more, please reach out at your earliest convenience. The board is hoping to have someone in place shortly before my last day as the need for what we provide unfortunately continues.

All my best,

Nora

I’m stunned and honored to have been asked, but also hesitant. I have no idea how to respond, so I save the message as new to deal with after I’ve had some time to think about how best to reply.

17

Lexi

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