Page 27 of Someone to Watch Over Me

She seems surprised by the question. “I’m fine. You’re the one we’re worried about.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Why?”

“I know this was rough on you, Lex. Don’t try to pretend otherwise. I feel terrible about it. I don’t want it to be a setback for you.”

“I, ah… Huh. That’s rather insightful of you to realize it could be.”

“Of course I realize that. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through before. I’d never want to be the cause of reopening an old wound for you.”

“It’s nice of you to be worried about me.”

“I care about you, Lexi. I hope you know that by now.”

“I… I do. I care about you, too.”

Frustration overwhelms me. The last place I want to be having this conversation is from a hospital bed after I recently scared the living shit out of her and disclosed a family propensity for sudden death. If she has an ounce of sense, she’ll run for her life away from me.

“The timing is terrible,” I say softly.

“For what?”

“For me to tell you howmuchI care about you.”

“Oh.” She looks down at the floor or her shoes or something other than me.

“Lex?”

Her dark, expressive eyes flip up and connect with mine.

The impact takes my breath away. “I want you to know how much you’ve come to mean to me.” Fuck if I don’t have to take a second to fight back another wave of unrelenting exhaustion. I want to cut back on whatever med is causing that. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing further to do with me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Or if you’re not ready for us to be more than friends, or if you’re not into me that way at all…” I feel like such a tool for bringing this up now, but I can’t bear to wait another minute to put it out there. Almost dying makes you take stock of what’s really important, and she’s what matters most to me in the aftermath of near disaster.

“Tom… We should talk about this when you’re feeling stronger.”

“I feel fine.”

“I… uh… I’m not sure of anything anymore. I used to make decisions without much consideration, but now?” She shrugs. “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going half the time. You’re such a good and decent man. You deserve someone who can give you everything you deserve. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be capable of that again.”

Good and decentisn’t exactly an insult, but it lands oddly with me. I want her to see me as exciting, sexy, fun, engaging, intelligent, witty.

Healthy would be good, too.

It becomes clear to me that I’m going to have to start all over with her, which is fine. As long as I’m still in the game, I can work with that.

“I don’t mean to pressure you for things you’re not ready for.”

“You never have, and I appreciate that more than you know. You’ve been so good to me.” She covers my hand with hers. “We talk a lot in my widow group about the new friends who step up for us when old friends are nowhere to be found in the aftermath of disaster. Out of everyone who’s been there for me, and that’s a lot of people, you’ve been…” Her eyes fill. “You’ve been such an incredible blessing.”

I’m deeply moved by her words, but they don’t tell me anything new about whether we’re stuck forever in the friend zone or if this might be something more. But I can’t push her, or I’ll lose her. That much I’m sure of.

“That’s nice to hear, Lex. I’m so glad I could be there for you when you needed a friend.”

“I want to do the same for you. When you come home, I’ll be there for you.”

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