Page 38 of In the Air Tonight

Kane returns from a run to find me sitting in one of the wooden chairs that overlooks the scenic lake. He kisses my cheek. “How’re you doing?”

“Okay.”

The nausea and overall exhaustion have been hard to take. I’m not used to feeling sick and tired all the time.

“I’m going to take a swim, and then we need to talk.”

“Why? Did something else happen?”

“Not that I know of. But we have some decisions to make.”

About the baby.

We’ve danced around the topic in the two weeks since we left town, but we haven’t decided anything. Soon, the baby will be far enough along to help me prove that Ryder raped me.

In early September, we’ll start our senior year at the high school in Fairfax County where I attended ninth and tenth grades. My friends there are thrilled I’m coming back, which was a huge relief. And yes, they know what happened to me and that I’ll have to testify against Ryder at some point. They’ve been nothing but supportive and concerned for me.

It’s also a relief to be away from the town where I was so unhappy long before Ryder attacked me. If I had it do over again, I would’ve gone to my dad and begged him to get me out of that school and that town before disaster could strike. He knew I was unhappy there, but he didn’t know the full extent of it until the Facebook outrage appeared after we went to the police.

Now he knows how bad it was, and it’s broken him to find out what I endured without any support. It’s also made him even angrier at my mother. He’s given her an ultimatum—quit drinking and go to rehab, or he’s filing for divorce. His anger at her runs deep after she failed to notice something was very wrong with me. He’s not staying with her unless she makes some changes.

I really hope she does. She’s wasting her life by drinking herself into oblivion, even if I understand that alcoholism is a disease. I want to be sympathetic toward her, but I’d also like to have a mother again. I’m not sure if she’ll stay in Rhode Island or join us in Virginia. That it doesn’t matter to me whether she comes with us says a lot about how removed she’s been from me in recent years.

“Can we talk about it?” Kane asks, making me realize I’ve zoned out on him.

“Not today. I’m not feeling great.”

“What’s wrong?”

“My back is hurting for some reason, and I just feel blah.”

“Do you want to lay down?”

“I’d rather go out on the boat.” The place we rented has a wooden rowboat that we’ve taken out on the lake almost every day we’ve been here. It’s so relaxing to float on the water and not think about anything other than what we might have for dinner.

“I’ll pack the picnic today.”

That’s usually my job. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes, I really do. You put your life on hold to come here, to run away into the unknown, to stay with me in this hellish situation. I owe you so much.”

He squats down next to my chair and takes my hand. “I love you, Neisy. I’ve loved you so long I don’t remember what it was likenotto love you. Being away from you was torture. As much as I hate what happened to you and all the pain and worry you’re dealing with, I’m so happy to be with you again and to know I don’t have to leave you ever again.” He kisses the back of my hand. “So no, you don’t owe me anything.”

Before I can come up with a reply to the sweet words that leave me with a lump of emotion in my throat, he stands and walks toward the cabin.

We’re lucky to have found each other so early in our lives. Both sets of parents warned us about getting so involved at such young ages, but we didn’t want to hear it. We know what we know, and I don’t have the slightest doubt about fully committing to him for a lifetime. The certainty that he feels the same way is the ultimate reward.

He returns a few minutes later with the picnic basket we found in a closet in the cabin, sweatshirts and towels for both of us and the bag that contains my sunscreen and the new e-reader my grandparents bought me for Christmas. He’s teased me about loving that device more than I love him. Reading has been my favorite pastime since I first learned how. Over these recent tumultuous weeks, I haven’t had the attention span to do anything, even my favorite thing. Being here, though, has calmed my mind to the point where I can enjoy reading again.

Kane helps me into the rowboat before he shoves it off the beach and then jumps in as we float away from the shore.

The cushions and umbrella are right where I left them yesterday.

I relax into their comfort, enjoying the play of his muscles as he rows.

He’s so gorgeous with his dark silky hair, olive-toned complexion, brown eyes and smooth skin. I tell him all the time that it’s not fair he hasn’t had so much as a blemish while I’ve battled acne since I was thirteen. I’ve been on medicine for it that’s helped, but he’s had no such issue.

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