Page 28 of In the Air Tonight

“I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. I want to come there and strangle him.”

“I can’t wait to see you, but no strangling.” I hiccup on a sob. “Do you…”

“What, sweetheart?”

“Do you still love me after hearing about this?”

“I’ll love you forever and ever amen.”

We’ve been saying that to each other for years, and hearing it now breaks me. “It was supposed to be you,” I say between sobs. “Y- you were supposed to be my first.”

“And I will be. What he did doesn’t count.”

I’m crying so hard I can’t speak.

“Shhh, it’s okay. Everything is all right.”

“It’s not.”

“It will be.”

I don’t know if that’s true. I feel like nothing will ever be all right again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Don’t be. You were traumatized.”

“I’m not sure this is the best time for you to visit. Everything is a mess.”

“That makes it the best time for me to come and support you. I’ve been so worried. I knew something wasn’t right. I thought maybe you’d met someone you like better.”

“That’ll never happen.”

“You’re all I think about, all I want, all I need. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Even now that you know I’m an emotional wreck?”

“Especially now.”

“I’m worried my dad will do something that’ll get him in trouble. He’s so angry.”

“He won’t. He’s too smart for that.”

“I don’t know… I’ve never seen him so worked up. And he’s outraged that my mother didn’t realize something was wrong while he was away. I heard him tell her he’s had it with her and her drinking and her obliviousness. He told her if she doesn’t get help—soon—he’s leaving her and taking me with him.”

“That’s been coming for a while, though, right?”

“I guess. He’s just so angry that this happened when I was home alone with her, and she didn’t notice anything was wrong. There’s been a lot of yelling.”

“I’m sorry it’s been such an awful summer. I’ll be there soon to do what I can to make it better for you.”

“I was so afraid you’d hate me for this.”

“Never. I love you more than ever. Hang tough. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

We talk for a while longer about a vacation he took with his family to the south of France and a visit with his cousins who came from San Diego.

It’s a relief to think about something other than my own situation for a few minutes, but the second we say goodbye for now, I’m right back in hell. My boobs ache, and I’m nauseated. I’ve read that both are normal in early pregnancy, but nothing about this pregnancy is normal.

A knock at the door has me sitting up in bed. “Come in.”

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