Page 170 of In the Air Tonight

As I stare up at the stone stairs, I question my sanity once again in coming here.

No one would blame me for staying away.

“Caroline?”

“Oh, hi, Houston.” Is it weird to think how handsome he is in his uniform when I’m here to watch my husband face rape charges? I’m getting weirder by the day lately.

“I thought that was you.”

“It’s me, asking myself what the hell I’m doing here.”

“Anyone in your situation would be curious.”

“Really? You think so? Because it feels somewhat masochistic to me.”

“It might help you to get closure, whatever that is.”

“So you don’t think I’m insane for subjecting myself to this?”

“Not at all. Would it help to sit with a friend?”

I look up at him with gratitude. “It would help very much. I was also wondering what I was thinking coming here alone.”

“I’ll be happy to sit with you and be there for you as long as you need a friend.”

“That’s very kind of you, Houston.”

“It’s no problem at all. Shall we?”

“I guess we shall.”

We walk up the stairs together, and he holds the door for me, guides me through security, and directs me to the proper courtroom. He makes everything about this easier than it would’ve been if I hadn’t run into him outside.

We take seats in the back row, just as the prosecutor calls Denise to the stand.

As I listen to her story, I try to reconcile her recitation of the events with the man I thought I’d known so deeply over the last decade. The Ryder she describes bears no resemblance whatsoever to my husband.

I believe every word she says. I can hear the pain and agony in her voice as she relives the horror.

“After the assault, what did you do?” the prosecutor asks.

“I went home and showered. I was shocked, traumatized and injured.”

“Can you please describe your injuries?”

I want to cover my ears, so I won’t hear her recitation of the many ways the attack left her in pain. “I…I’d never done that before, so it hurt for a long time afterward.”

“Was there anything else that took place as a result of the attack by the defendant?”

“Yes, I became pregnant.”

“Oh my God,” I whisper. Just when I thought this couldn’t get worse…

Houston reaches for my freezing cold hand and puts it between his warm ones.

“What happened to the baby?”

“I miscarried right before the baby’s DNA could’ve tied him or her to the defendant.”

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