Page 31 of In the Air Tonight

“Okay.”

“You have to take it to your grave.”

“What is it?”

“Swear to me. No matter what happens, this stays between us.”

“You have my word.”

He says nothing for the longest time as his foot pokes at the grass. “What she said…”

Everything around us goes quiet. Even the crickets are silent.

I hold my breath, equal parts interested in whatever he has to say and terrified of how it will change everything.

“It happened like she said.”

The whooshing sound inside my head is like a tsunami overtaking me as I struggle to process the words, the implications, the horror…

“Ryder, no. You wouldn’t have done that.”

“I wasn’t in my right mind. I’d heard about Louisa going into hospice. I mean after all this time, the war she’d fought, thatwe’dfought, she wasstillgoing to die? I’d been drinking all day, ever since I heard that news. Everything was a mixed-up mess, and Neisy was just there, you know? No one likes her... I don’t even know how it happened. It just did.”

“You…you raped her?”

“I didn’t mean to. She’s always looking at me like she’s interested, so I asked her if we could talk, and one thing led to another. It was like I was possessed or something. Louisa has been so sick… I haven’t been with her in a long time. Tell me you understand.”

I don’t. I don’t understand. He could have any girl he wanted. He doesn’t have to attack anyone.

“Camden, please. Tell me you get it. I wasn’t myself after hearing about Louisa. She’s going todie.” He sounds desperate and unhinged—and he’s using my full name. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s the one who’s always in control. I’m the emotional one. “I need you.”

The weight of his confession is already unbearable, and I’ve only known for a few minutes. I want to go back to before we came out here, before he unloaded on me. “Why’d you tell me this?”

“I needed someone to know. I feel sick about it.”

I feel sick, too. “Because you did it or because she’s got the cops involved?”

“Because it happened in the first place!” He tears at his hair as he breaks down. “That girl has driven me mad since the first day she showed up at school.”

That’s another thing I’d rather not know. “Wh…what about Louisa?”

He looks up at me, torment etched into his tearful expression. “I love her more than anything or anyone. I always will. But her illness… It’s been a lot. The not knowing what’s going to happen, and then hearing that after everything she’s been through, thatwe’vebeen through, she’s still going to die… I was drunk and devastated, and I fucking snapped. That’s the only explanation I have. You’ve got to help me, Cam. I don’t know who else to turn to. The guilt is eating me up inside. That I cheated on Louisa. That I hurt Neisy. That any of this happened in the first place.” He drops his head into his hands. “I don’t know why it happened.”

I swallow hard. I’m seventeen years old. He’s a year older—a legal adult who’d do hard time for a crime like this. I have no idea what to do with this information or how to help him. I want to beat the shit out of him for doing something that could ruin all of us. Our parents are stressing out about having to get another mortgage on the house to pay for the attorney on top of college tuition for four kids. And then to find out hedidattack Neisy… Jesus. I swallow the bile that surges into my throat.

“Camden.”

He never calls me that, and now he’s said it twice in five minutes.

I force my gaze back to him. “What?”

“Please help me.”

I’m not sure what exactly comes over me. A wave of certainty or whatever you want to call it, but I realize that few things in my life will matter more than whatever I do right now. Ryder is my brother. My closest friend. My soulmate, if you believe in such things. I’ll do anything it takes to protect him.

“You can’t tell anyone else. No one. Not even Louisa. Do you understand me?”

“Y-yeah. Okay. No one.”

---