Page 24 of In the Air Tonight

THEN

I’m half asleep when my phone blows up with texts at about ten thirty. Everyone I know is asking if I heard the news about Neisy accusing Ryder of raping her.

I sit up in bed and scroll through the texts before switching over to Facebook where girls from school are already calling her a liar.

There’s no way Ryder would touch her, Brooke says in an emotionally charged post.Everyone knows he’s in love with Louisa and has never looked at another girl the whole time they’ve been together. Neisy is lying. Don’t believe her. Ryder is innocent!

My brother is innocent of these vile charges,Cam writes.Don’t believe everything you hear from people who are always looking for attention. #JusticeforRyder

Seriously?Sienna writes.She must be delusional to think he’d go anywhere near her. #JusticeforRyder

Her words hit me like a spike to the heart. SheknowsNeisy is telling the truth, but is publicly backing Ryder, even after what she saw him do.

I’m sick all over again, like I was when it first happened, especially as other kids weigh in with cruel words about Neisy.

The door to my room bursts open, and Arlo comes in looking wild eyed. “Did you hear?”

“Yes.”

“What the actual fuck does she think she’s doing?”

“I, uh, I don’t know.” I want so badly to tell him I saw it.

For years, I’ll wonder why I didn’t.

In the moment, I can’t get words that would change everything for both of us past the boulder in my throat.

“She’s full of shit! Everyone knows how he feels about Louisa. God, what she must be thinking. Did you hear Louisa is going into hospice? She’s not responding to the treatment, and there’s nothing more the doctors can do for her. Like she and Ryder don’t have enough to deal with.”

My heart sinks. “I hadn’t heard. That’s terrible.”

“I honestly don’t know how much more they can take. Cam says Neisy’s dad is raising hell with the police, demanding they arrest Ryder.”

“Are they going to?”

“I’m not sure. I heard there may be some sort of evidence, but I don’t believe it. I’ll never believe it.” He looks at me now with fire in his eyes. “We’ll defend him every way we can, starting with a rally at the school tomorrow for everyone who believes in him. There’s no way we’ll let someone like her ruin him. I’ll let you know the details when I have them.”

Arlo is gone as fast as he came with things to do in support of his best friend.

I run to the bathroom to vomit, which has happened almost every day since that night. I’ve lost thirteen pounds I didn’t have to lose, and my mom is asking what’s wrong.

Everything is wrong.

Every single thing.

I don’t know how to live with this knowledge I can do nothing with. If I tell the truth, everyone will hate me, including my own brother and now-ex best friend. I haven’t heard a word from Sienna since the night she called and told me again to keep my mouth shut or else. That’s fine because her behavior isrevolting to me, but I miss having someone to talk to, especially right now. There’s certainly no one else I can talk to about this.

I’ve thought about going to Teagan. There was a time, not that long ago, when we were close. That was before she decided that being a rebel was more important than being a good sister. She barely gives me the time of day now, but if I went to her and told her what happened, I have to believe she’d be there for me.

But what if she isn’t? What if she turns on me and calls me a liar or tells people I made up some crazy story about Ryder? Then what?

I can’t take the chance. I have one more year to get through at HHS, and being a social pariah is not how I want to spend my senior year.

Just that quickly, my thoughts return to Neisy and what she must be going through. I feel sick again. I wish I was strong enough to sacrifice myself and my relationships with family and friends, not to mention the trouble I’d be in if I confess to where I was that night, to do the right thing.

I’m not.

A good person would speak up, would tell the truth regardless of the consequences for herself. My soul is heavy with the realization that I’m not a good person like I always thought I was. Prior to this, it never once occurred to me that I might witness a violent crime and tell no one what I saw.

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