Page 16 of In the Air Tonight

“He said you never called out. You just didn’t show, which isn’t like you either.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.I didn’t think Ronnie would reach out to him.

“I’ve been a little down the last few weeks.”

Hearing that, he straightens out of the slouch he was in. “Like before?”

“Maybe. A little.”

I had a depressive episode, as it was called at the time, in seventh grade. After more than a year of intensive counseling and medication that I still take, I started to feel like myself again.

“We have to get that checked. You might need a different dosage now that you’re older. I’ll make an appointment for you at the navy clinic.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You should’ve told me about this, Neise.”

“I didn’t want you to worry when you’re so busy.”

“I’m never too busy for you, and you know that.” He gives me a more intent look. “Are things any better with the kids in town?”

“Eh,” I tell him. “It is what it is.”

“I’m sorry this move has turned into such a mess for you, sweetheart. I hate that.”

Oh, Daddy, you have no idea…“It’s okay.” I want to plead with him to take me back to DC with him, but he won’t. Most of the time, he splits the month between the two places and would never leave me there alone when he has to be here. “It’s only one more year. I can get through that.”

Can I, though? How will I ever go back to Hope High School and have to seehimin the hallways, acting as though nothing happened? For him, nothing did. For me, everything has changed, and he did that to me.

“Neise? Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere.”

“I’m worried about you, sweetheart.”

“No reason to be.”

“Let me go make that appointment so we can get you feeling better.”

“Okay.”

Two days later, my dad drives me to the navy clinic. I tried to talk him out of coming, but he insisted on driving me and said we can go to lunch afterward.

I realize he took time off for this and appreciate the attention, even if I’m scared I’ll crumble in front of him and confess the whole story.

I want to.

I want to tell him.

I want to watch him go ballistic and make Ryder’s charmed life into the living hell that mine has become.

Because that’s what he’d do.

But then he’d have to hear how all the girls at school think I’m a slut simply because their boyfriends find me attractive. He’d learn how they say I screwed the varsity football team and have my gaze set on the basketball team next or whatever crazy bullshit they come up with.

The irony isn’t lost on me. I was a virgin until Ryder stole that from me, but thanks to those viperous bitches, no one would believe that.

“Do you want me to come in with you, sweetie?” Dad asks when we’re in the waiting room.

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