Page 14 of In the Air Tonight

Every part of me trembles as I ponder the implications of doing the right thing.

Everyone would hate me, even my own brother.

I drop my head to my knees as sobs rip from my chest.

If you’d asked me before yesterday if I was the kind of person who’d always do the right thing, I would’ve said absolutely.

Now I know there’s no such thing as absolutes.

I hate myself as much as I hate Ryder and Sienna. I hate knowing that kids I grew up with and considered friends are capable of such things.

More than anything, I hate knowing I’ll have to live with what I saw forever. I hate that a young woman is suffering after being the victim of a hideous crime, and there’s not a damned thing I can do about it without ruining my own life.

Chapter 4

Neisy

THEN

The last few weeks have been bad. I can barely get out of bed. I got fired from my job at the restaurant my mom’s cousin owns because I missed too many shifts. For the first time ever, I’m thankful to have an alcoholic mother who’s so self-absorbed she barely notices me.

However, my dad is due home later today, and he’ll see what my mom has missed. He and I have always shared a tight connection, and even though I’ve answered all his daily texts while he was away, he’ll take one look at me and know something is very wrong.

Part of me hopes he can tell that a terrible thing has happened.

The other part dreads him knowing.

What will I say to him when he demands to know what’s wrong?

He’s well aware that life has been hard for me here and it was probably a mistake to let my mom talk him into moving me to her hometown for my last two years of high school while he’s stationed in DC. My mother hated it there like I hate it here.

I miss the friends I had in Virginia, who I’m still in touch with and hope to join in college at the University of Virginia after one more very long year in Rhode Island.

I yearn for Kane, who’s deeply concerned about me. Even with an ocean between us, he can tell I’m not myself and keepsasking what’s wrong. Last night he asked by text if I’ve met someone else and am afraid to tell him.

No!I replied.Just the same old shit with this place. It’s definitely not you. You’re the one bright spot in my whole life.

I wish you didn’t have to stay there. Why can’t you go back to DC with your dad and go to your old school?

Because he’s too busy to keep tabs on a teenager, or so he says. He works like 12 hours a day.

Still, you’d be better off there than where you are.

Not going to happen. I lost that battle a year ago when they insisted on moving here.

They’d had concerns about the “fast” crowd I was running with in Virginia. I tried to tell them they were wrong about my friends, that we were average teenagers. They didn’t buy it. When my dad sided with my mom over the move to RI, I didn’t speak to him for a month.

I could tell that really upset him, but not enough to change his mind.

If he ever knew what’d happened with Ryder, he’d lose his mind.

He can’t ever know.

In anticipation of his arrival at some point today, I force myself out of bed and into the shower. For the first time in weeks, I work on my appearance by blow-drying my hair and putting on a bit of makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I stare at the reflection in the mirror, as if I’m looking at a stranger. Who is that girl after what happened to her?

The injustice burns in my gut. I’m devastated, and he’s off living his golden life like nothing has changed. I saw on Facebook that he hosted his annual fundraiser for Louisa’s family, which attracted a massive crowd and raised close to one hundred thousand dollars. He posted photos of himself smilingwidely, his arm around his beautiful, frail girlfriend as their parents stood on either side of them.

His hypocrisy makes me sick.

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