Page 138 of In the Air Tonight

“If you do that, you’ll never see your kids again.”

I close my eyes as the pain of that possibility sears me. “What else can I do, Cam? Maybe they’ll go easier on me if I express a willingness to own what I did.”

“It’s a huge risk. I’m working on getting you a better lawyer. Bennett is good, but you need someone with more experience with this kind of thing. Wait to hear from me before you do something that can’t be undone.”

“I told Mom the truth.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because she went to talk to Blaise Merrick and then received a call from the AG’s office telling her witness tampering is a crime.”

“Holy hell. What was she thinking?”

“She was trying to protect me. I told her the truth, so she’d stop doing that.”

“Don’t tell anyone else.”

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“Ryder… Do you want my help or not?”

“I do.”

“Then take my advice andkeep your mouth shut. Don’t talk to anyone and tell her not to tell Dad. God only knows what he’d do with that info. If the AG subpoenas Mom, she has to testify truthfully or land in jail if she’s found to be lying. You’ve just given her information she didn’t have before, which is now a legal burden to her. Don’t tell anyone else.”

“I don’t want to put the family through a trial.”

“Wait until you have proper representation before you do anything. I’ll be back to you soon.”

The line goes dead before I can thank him for his help.

I hate the tension between us. We worked long and hard to get our relationship back on track after I initially confessed to him. I put a burden on him, too, with that information. I’d catch him watching me at various times, as if trying to reconcile how I could’ve done such a vile thing after being raised to respect women and girls, to protect and honor them.

I wish I had the answer to the question ofwhyI did what I did, but I don’t, and I never will. Right before Caroline and I were married, I tried therapy for a while as I was struggling to deal with the lie I’d told my future wife, not to mention the guilt over what I’d done to an innocent young woman in a moment of evil madness. Without fully confessing to the therapist, I made him understand I’d done something terrible that I deeply regretted and was having trouble living with it. He talked to me about making amends to the people I’d hurt, which wasn’t possible in this situation.

But I wish it was. I wish I could tell Neisy that what I did was despicable and wrong, and if I had it to do over again, I never would’ve gone near her that night. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there’re no do-overs in life.

I hope the lawyer Cam is talking to calls soon. I want to take a plea to get this over with for my loved ones—and myself.

Maybe if I confess to my crimes and accept my punishment, I’ll have a prayer of seeing my kids again someday.

My cell has been ringing off the hook with calls from media who want a statement about my suspended congressional campaign and the criminal charges. I’ve ignored every one of them.

I get a text from Cam.Take the call from the 617 area code.

The phone rings half a minute later with a 617 number.

“Hello?”

“Ryder Elliott?”

“Yes.”

“This is Bridget Doyle. I’m a defense attorney. Is this a good time to talk?”

“It is.” I run my fingers through my hair as the sleepless nights suddenly catch up to me in a wave of exhaustion.

“Your brother briefed me on your situation.”

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